Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Posts Tagged ‘racism

To Protest Owner’s Comments, Clippers Will Continue Sucking

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Clippers logoLos Angeles, April 30 – The aftermath of Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling’s racist comments now includes a demonstration by the players themselves, who have vowed, in response to the comments, to maintain their historically abysmal win-loss record.

Although recent years have seen the franchise enjoy some success, even winning its division and outplaying the rival Lakers, through most of its years the Clippers have embodied basketball futility. In reaction to the team owner’s remarks to his partner that he does not want to see her in the company of black men, the all-black team and coach have announced that they will show their displeasure by putting extra effort into continuing to stink.

“Times such as these call for taking a stand, and the players and I all agree that we need to do something,” said team coach Doc Rivers. “We will do what we know how to do best – establish ourselves perennially in the basement of the NBA.” Rivers himself is no stranger to consistent team underachievement, as he played with the New York Knicks for two years.

“That’s what we love about his team,” said area fan Masso Kiszt. “They always keep it real. No big displays of showmanship, no over-the-top demonstrations. just quietly going about the business of losing. It’s so rare in this town.”

NBA representatives had no comment on rumors that the Minnesota Timberwolves were looking to hire Sterling as head coach next year.

 

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Written by Thag

May 1, 2014 at 8:55 am

Those IDF Racists Won’t Even Rape Palestinian Women

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By Mahmoud Abbas, President of the Palestinian Authority

Please note: Mightier than the Pen has opened a new site to dispense satire regarding Israel. To read this article and others, visit preoccupiedterritory.com.

Written by Thag

January 19, 2014 at 8:27 am

Not Attending Mandela’s Funeral: Queen Elizabeth, Dalai Lama, Hitler

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Another public figure conspicuously absent from Mandela's funeral, despite their closeness.

Another public figure conspicuously absent from Mandela’s funeral, despite their closeness.

Pretoria, South Africa (AP) – Preparations for Nelson Mandela’s funeral next week have reached a fever pitch, with myriad world leaders and public figures scheduled to attend. But several prominent heads of state will be noticeably absent, and their expected lack of attendance has raised eyebrows.

Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom accepted her physician’s recommendation not to travel. The 87-year-old monarch has taken an increasingly private role in British public affairs as she ages. It was unclear Sunday whether her son Charles, the Prince of Wales and first in line for the throne, would attend in her stead.

The exiled leader of Tibet , the Dalai Lama, also announced that he would not travel to South Africa for the occasion, refraining from participating in the funeral as a show of protest at having been denied a visa to visit the country on two occasions. The Dalai Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Thag

December 8, 2013 at 8:00 pm

Red Cross: Typhoon Tragic, But Not White-People-Dead Tragic

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HaiyanGeneva, Switzerland (AP) Typhoon Haiyan has killed at least 10,000 people in the Philippines and rendered many times that number homeless, but the International Red Cross has stopped short of calling the destruction a “disaster,” preferring to reserve such strong language for when white people are the victims. The vast majority of those killed, injured, or suffering property loss are Asian, some of them Muslim.

Some European and American news outlets have devoted attention to the storm and its aftermath, but mainly to focus on the possibility of Westerners – i.e. white people – who fell victim to one of the most powerful typhoons ever recorded. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Thag

November 10, 2013 at 8:53 pm

Wall St. Broker Can’t Land Dream Job Picking Fruit Because Of Illegals

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migrant workersNew York (AP) – The debate over immigration reform attained added urgency today when securities investment broker Wayne Stockton, 50, of Bronxville, NY, announced that he was unable to pursue his lifelong desire for a career in seasonal fruit harvesting because migrant illegal immigrant workers would work for far less.

Stockton, who handles trades for stock and bond investors totaling at least $50 million each day, has struggled to find a rural employer who can meet his wage demands. The Lexus-and-BMW-owning Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Thag

November 4, 2013 at 2:28 pm

Fundamentalists Seek to Censor Rainbow from Noah Story; ‘Gay Symbol’

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rainbowsMemphis, TN (AP) – Following in the footsteps of earlier efforts to forestall the use of Biblical sources in support of distasteful causes, a grass-roots religious coalition called Personal Responsibility Union for Decent Ethics (PRUDE) is lobbying various churches to purge the mention of the rainbow following the Deluge in the book of Genesis, out of concern that the image may be taken as an endorsement of homosexuality.

In the biblical account, God wipes out most of humanity and land life when society becomes mired in immorality. He then enters into a covenant with the Earth not to bring another such deluge, and uses a rainbow to symbolize that commitment.

Ironically, the verses leading up to the divine decision to destroy all of humanity except Noah and his family stems from a series of crimes that include wanton sexual immorality, in addition to perversions of justice and pervasive violations of property.

Although the rainbow only came to symbolize the Gay Rights movement over the last several decades, PRUDE is taking no chances. “We know how dangerous images can be, and we’re not going to allow the Gay Agenda to dictate people’s understanding of Holy Writ,” said Pastor Rob Eublind of Chattanooga. “When all is said and done, and we have wiped the twin scourges of homosexuality and liberal politics from the Earth, we can go back to seeing the rainbow as it was supposed to be. In the meantime, we’re just going to keep it covered up,” just like allegations of children molested by clergy, he added.

The crusade has won support from conservative churches throughout the South and Midwest, and RePress Publications is preparing a special edition that replaces the rainbow with a metaphor less confusing to the modern reader: a fiery cross. “The new image solves two problems at once,” explained Carrie Uggrudge, an editorial consultant with RePress. “While short-circuiting any possible misuse of a rainbow by the Evil Gay Agenda proponents, the explicit use of a cross allows us to implant explicitly Christian messages in the Old Testament,” which have been sorely lacking.

Many of the church groups involved in the project also cited a secondary motivation: they have always felt uncomfortable with the ideals of the Rainbow Coalition, which advocates for the rights of African-Americans. Editing the text, they hope, will deny rhetorical ammunition to forces seeking to disturb the conservative social order.

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Written by Thag

March 23, 2013 at 11:12 pm

FOX Accuses Obama of Fathering Two Black Children

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Obama, shamelessly posing with his black lover and children in the White House.

Washington, DC (AP) – FOX News reported this morning that several years prior to his election as President, Barack Obama fathered two children with a black woman.

“You won’t hear about this scandal from the fawning liberals over at CNN,” intoned the FOX anchor. “It takes reporters who are willing to go after the truth, not ignore everything bad there is about Obama.”

According to the report, Obama fathered the first child in 1998 with a black woman named Michelle, whom he had met while both were employed at the same Chicago law firm. The two continued their affair, producing another black child in 2001. Both children were born while Obama was serving in the Illinois State Senate. The FOX report noted that not a single major media outlet picked up on the scandal at the time, and that, said the anchorwoman, has only emboldened Obama as he continues to associate openly with the mother of those children, even bringing her with him to official state functions.

“The flagrancy with which Obama thrusts this black lover of his upon the eyes of America is just plain shocking,” said FOX personality Bill O’Reilly. “Strom Thurmond may have fathered a black child once upon a time, but at least he had the decency not to acknowledge it publicly.” Thurmond, who died in 2003, was for decades a staunch South Carolina segregationist, and never addressed the black daughter he fathered as related to him; he did, however, support her financially.

“But Obama is just blatant about it,” continued O’Reilly, “and that’s just the problem with liberals. They have no respect for boundaries. Certainly not the US-Mexico boundary,” he added, referring to immigration policies that Republicans have maintained are not restrictive enough.

“It’s more than immoral – it’s also cynical,” said former Vice Presidential candidate and Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, a frequent Obama critic. “Those children will probably grow up to vote Democrat, to boot. And the country is paying for their posh accommodations, in the White House no less! Imagine! Black children in the White House! If this scandal isn’t worth an impeachment proceeding or two, I don’t know what is!”

Obama is not the first president to maintain an intimate relationship with a black woman and to father children through her. Thomas Jefferson, the nation’s third chief executive, has dozens of black descendants through his slave Sally Hemming. But according to Palin, since Hemming and her immediate descendants knew their proper place and never got “uppity,” in her words, American society was willing to tolerate the indiscretion.

“But Obama’s shoving it in our faces  – and making us pay for it!” said Palin. The black woman and her daughters enjoy Secret Service protection, while their housing and transportation are covered with taxpayer funds. “Even their dog is black!” she remarked, referring to Obama’s Portuguese Water Dog Bo. “We have to take back America!” concluded Palin.

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Written by Thag

February 11, 2013 at 3:22 pm