Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Posts Tagged ‘aliens

The Media: Just the Plural for Medium – as in Fortune Teller

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Headlines as Appearing in:

The New York Times

The New York Post

Your High School Newspaper

The National Enquirer

Cuomo’s First Nine Months in Office a Modest Success

Guv Giving It All

Andrew Cuomo Elected Governor of NY (the State)

Cuomo Family Avoids Staying at Haunted Executive Mansion

Osama Bin Laden Killed in Commando Raid

We Got Him!

Who Is Osama Bin Laden?

Navy SEAL Team Six Kills Two-Headed Elvis Clone at Bin Laden Compound

Obama Presses Israel on Settlements

Prez to Bibi: Stop It

Debating Team Debates Israel vs. Palestine

Obama Proves He’s a Muslim

Yankees Clinch Division; Red Sox Eliminated

Yanks Top Sux -Again

Cougars Beat Westville High

Ghost of Babe Ruth Runs Amok in Fenway Clubhouse

Irene Damage Estimated at $4 Billion

Hizzoner: Send Irene Bill to Feds

Mrs. Miller Remembers 1985 Hurricane Gloria

NASA Steered Hurricane to NYC

Stock Market Drops 8%

Stocks Tumble, Execs Grumble

Teachers in Foul Mood Over Something or Other Regarding “Pensions”

Invisible Hand Seen over NY Stock Exchange Floor

Gunman Kills 10 in Memphis Campus Shooting Spree

Redneck Rampage: 10 Dead

Student Suspended for Bringing Fake Gun to School

Giant Anaconda Devours Children on Way to School

Idaho Ex-Governor Convicted of Embezzlement, Breach of Trust

Book Thrown at Boise Bookie

Betting Pool Arises over Anticipated Firing Date of Chemistry Teacher

Possessed Jury Calls for Capital Punishment in Civil Lawsuits

Pollution Depresses Economy Dependent on River Fish

PCBs Pound Palookaville

A Reminder to Wash Hands after Using the Bathroom

Godzilla’s Return Imminent, Say Government Scientists

US Strips Former Death Camp Guard of Citizenship

Ex-Nazi Extradition

Mr. Parker Lectures on Prejudice

Auschwitz Guard Reincarnated as Lamp Post

Steve Jobs, Founder of Apple, Dead at 56

Jobs, Well, Done

A Portrait of an American Entrepreneur by Jamie Howard (9th grade)

Will of Steve Jobs Found Scrawled in Blood on Skin of Missing IBM Exec

2 Americans Awarded Nobel Prize for Economics

U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

Senior Awards Ceremony Canceled

Economists Predict Third, Fourth and Fifth Great Depressions before 2015

Heat Trade James Back to Cleveland

LeBron Comes Crying Home

Coach’s Arrest Delays Varsity Tryouts

‘I Learned Basketball from Himmler,’ Says Drunk LeBron

NASA Announces Discovery of New Earth-Like Planet

Life Out There?

Pluto No Longer a Planet

Life Out There!


Homework as an Alien Idea

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Our six-year-old had had enough. The intensity of his displeasure became more and more evident, until finally he burst into tears and yelled, “I wanna do my homework!”

Absent any other information, this declaration should prompt any or all of the following courses of action:

– Demand DNA testing to verify whether this child in fact carries my genes.
– Take child immediately to a mental health professional or medical expert.
– Explode in hopeless laughter at the irony.
– Take advantage of this suddenly diligent person in order to get other unpleasant tasks done, such as cleaning the kids’ bathroom.
– Call his teacher and interrogate her as to what the hell she did to transform this infuriatingly stubborn/delightful child into a devoted student.
– Alert the authorities and news media to the first indisputable evidence of extraterrestrial life.

Of course this episode in context only serves to underline the delightful/infuriating thing he’s got going. Mrs. Thag worked pretty hard to persuade the guy to do his homework, and he set about it. He got so caught up in it that when his brother blurted out the final answer, that threatened his sense of order. He thus objected with growing vehemence until everyone acknowledged the bitter injustice and finally calmed him down.

My wife and I did manage to suppress our laughter, with mixed success (he did not appreciate it, even after we explained to him the humor). But damn. Even accounting for the psychological factors that set him off, I would never say such a thing. In general, he needs to have things done in a specific way or order, and any change to that order meets resistance – passivity, shrugging, ignoring, hostility, anger, or whichever reaction the fates deem appropriate (read: most unmanageable) at that moment.

I do wish I could record it. Than play it back for him whenever he claims not to like homework. But that might teach the aliens to improve their cover, and how would we detect them?

Written by Thag

October 29, 2010 at 11:27 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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