Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Beatles Evicted From Yellow Submarine

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150px-Yellowsub-LiverpoolLondon, UK – A famous quartet of musicians was expelled from their underwater residence this morning, bringing to an end an existence that the group had come to call, “a life of ease.”

The Beatles – John Lennon, Paul McCartney, Richard Starkey (AKA Ringo Starr) and George Harrison – had failed to pay the rent on the vehicle. The landlord, a Mr. Parker, claims to have grown tired of the four claiming not to care too much for money.

“They can go on an on all they like about money not being able to buy love, but it does buy food and pay the bills. The tax man takes a good chunk of what I earn, so I need every penny,” he said. He said he was still fixing a hole from the last party the group had thrown there.

The various Beatles have so far reacted in disparate ways. “I’d like to be under the sea anyway,” said Starr, who was taking the news with the most equanimity. “The other band members seem troubled by this, but I say, honey, don’t. Everything will be fine if we just act naturally. Me, I’ll get by with a little help from my friends.”

McCartney found himself at the other emotional extreme, and had to be restrained by his bandmates from physically attacking Parker. “Come and get it! Any time at all!” he shouted as the other Beatles warned the landlord, “Get back!” McCartney continued to threaten, even warning that he would return whether or not Parker liked or noticed, hissing, “What you’re doing…you won’t see me.” Once the two had been separated and McCartney regained his composure, he confessed, “I’m down…I long for yesterday.”

“Cry, baby, cry,” offered Lennon, still digesting the eviction. He remained initially in firm denial, telling the landlord, “You can’t do that. That’ll be the day. Too much monkey business going on here – tell me why!” However, as the reality set in, Lennon, too, became resigned to it, wondering aloud if there’s a place the group could go, also telling Parker that with McCartney as upset as he was, prudence suggested running for his life while he can.

Harrison, too, expressed disappointment, but only in understated, sarcastic terms. “Piggies,” he muttered, presumably referring to those who profit from real estate. “I, me, mine, that’s all they care about.” He admitted having grown attached to the submarine, and finally asked Mr. Parker to “take good care of  my baby. You know what to do.”

McCartney asked Lennon that they begin searchin’ for new accommodations right away. Harrison suggested a location in the nearby Sour Milk Sea, but the others didn’t dig it.

At press time, at least three of the four were talking about eviction making them free as a bird.

 

Further imbecility can be found at PreOccupiedTerritory.

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Written by Thag

May 22, 2014 at 2:36 pm

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