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Making The World A Bitter Place

Hipster Uses Phone For Making Actual Phone Calls

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HelveticaWilliamsburg, Brooklyn, February 10 – In what observers are calling an intentional use of irony, local man Trevor Dyckman used his iPhone 5 today to speak to someone else using a phone number.

The avant-garde behavior occurred as the bearded Dyckman sat on a bench opposite a Starbucks, commenting to an acquaintance on the lameness of those who emerged from the establishment. At about 11:40 this morning, the 26-year-old college dropout adjusted his black-rimmed glasses and proceeded to call up the “phone” app on his smartphone screen, selecting 11 digits in a particular sequence that made someone else’s device ring in a remote location.

The “dialing” of the number represents a radical departure from the standard mode of communication involving a mobile device, in which the voice is used only as a hands-free method of operating it. Dyckman expressed no surprise whatsoever that the person on the other end of “line” answered his call, and the two conversed for approximately four minutes before Dyckman disconnected the call and resumed mocking other white people.

Witnesses were unable to identify the person with whom Dyckman conducted the conversation, but those who saw the incident expressed distaste. “Hipsters,” muttered Darren Giles, 26, as he made sure his scarf was slightly crooked and his short-brimmed Fedora at a slant.

Alicia Martin, 25,  agreed. “He’s probably compensating for something,” she reasoned, absentmindedly skipping through indie tracks on her iPod. “If he were really confident in his style, he’d be eating something that indicates actual taste, such as this artisanal brie you can get at this wonderful hole-in-the-wall. It’s so authentic. You’ve probably never heard of it.”

“I bet he thinks in five years we’re all going to be communicating like that,” she said. “As if anybody even communicates with fellow humans like that anymore.”

“Well, other than baristas, I mean.”


Written by Thag

February 10, 2014 at 8:40 pm

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