Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

NYC Marathon Canceled: ‘Running 26 Miles Is Stupid’

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NYRRNew York (AP) – Organizers of the New York City Marathon have announced that they are canceling the event this year and do not intend to schedule one for the foreseeable future, citing the realization that it is monumentally stupid to run 26.2 miles.

The New York Road Runners, the body that administers the race, issued a press release and online notices to the effect that the annual competition held every November would no longer take place. Registered participants were urged to donate unused apparel and shoes to the needy, and to stop punishing their bodies for no apparent reason.

“We realize that this change of policy may cause some confusion and disappointment,” read the statement, which was signed by NYRR President and CEO Mary Wittenberg. “But we cannot in good conscience allow our concern for such emotions to trump the fact that running such a distance is a manifestly imbecilic endeavor, and we at Road Runners can no longer condone such behavior.”

Wittenberg assured NYRR members and other would-be race participants that the organization would continue its efforts to encourage more modest athletic regimens, especially its efforts to conduct programs at schools that lack recreational programs. However, it was withdrawing its participation in the series of races called the World Marathon Majors, which also includes the races in Berlin, London, Tokyo, Boston, and Chicago. The organizers of those races have yet to formally respond to the NYRR announcement, but one administrator of the Boston Athletic Association, which conducts that race, told reporters that several prominent members of the association had been questioning the existence of the race for years, calling it idiotic, dangerous, and a major inconvenience.

The Road Runners simultaneously issued an important set of instruction to members to advise them of certain policy changes. Chief among those changes is an amendment to the organization’s membership terms limiting the number of times per week a member will be permitted to mention that he or she is training for a charity run. The notice included an apology to the NYRR’s many vegan members, who are unaccustomed to refraining from discussing reasons they are superior to everyone else and would find this provision challenging.

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Written by Thag

November 14, 2013 at 2:07 pm

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