Mightier Than The Pen

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Wife Seems To Think Anniversary Happens Every Single Year

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anniversaryLansing, Michigan (AP) – Patrick Donovan, 34, reports that his wife Cheryl is under the impression that a wedding anniversary must be celebrated every year, despite the wedding occurring only once.

Mrs. Donovan, a receptionist at a medical practice, reportedly informed her husband last week that she had been wondering what the couple should do in honor of the date on which they had wed last year. Mr. Donovan, a manager of a retail clothing outlet, recalls that he sat in silence as he tried to comprehend what his wife was saying.

“She must have mistaken my quiet for thoughtfulness, because after about fifteen seconds she said, ‘I can tell you’re planning something special. Don’t tell me. I’d rather it be a surprise.’ I had no idea what she was talking about,” he said.

Donovan soon sent a text message to two or three friends who had been married longer, hoping they could shed light on his wife’s mysterious set of expectations. Doug Sheppard responded within minutes.

“Some women think that when the date you got married comes around in a later year, you’re supposed to do something to mark it again,” he explained to Donovan via e-mail. “This can keep happening many years after the wedding, as if the couple needs an annual reminder that they love each other and got married. My advice to you, Patrick, is to decide right now whether you’re going to play along, because whatever decision you make is for keeps; this year will set a precedent.”

Donovan received similar advice from senior coworker Jose Martinez, who explained that women have a strange attachment to dates on the calendar. “They have this weird idea that when the Earth is in the same position relative to the sun as it was when something special happened, you have to do something to recognize it,” Martinez told him. Martinez told Donovan that as a twice-married father of several grown daughters, he had grown resigned to the phenomenon, as disabusing women of that bizarre notion was not worth the friction such a conversation would generate.

Martinez’s insight still left Donovan with questions. “Where did this silly idea come from? What am I supposed to do? What happens if I just ignore it – will she just forget about it? How important is this, really?” he asked several friends. “Are we supposed to reenact exchanging vows? Do we dress up in a tuxedo and wedding gown again? I don’t even remember where I rented mine. Did she, like, save her gown just for this occasion? I don’t think so, so I guess that’s not what she expects.”

“But she expects me to surprise her,” Donovan continued, growing more agitated. “Surprise her? With what, a whoopie cushion? Flowers? I never get these things right.”

At press time, Cheryl Donovan was expressing to several other female friends that her true love must have something incredible planned for their anniversary, because he was being coy and mysterious about it.

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Written by Thag

October 7, 2013 at 3:13 pm

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