Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Rolling Stone: ALL of Our Covers Glorify Someone Objectionable

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Tsarnaev Rolling StoneNew York, NY, July 18 (AP) – Reacting to widespread criticism of his magazine’s featuring Boston bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev on the cover of its August issue, Rolling Stone publisher Jann Wenner wondered aloud why Tsarnaev’s appearance was any more objectionable that that of the other questionable role models the publication has glorified over the years.

The cover article, by Janet Reitman, explores the childhood influences and life of the bombing suspect before he was arrested for the April terrorist attacks. The controversy involves not the material of the article, which most readers agree demonstrates journalistic integrity, but the magazine’s decision to feature Tsarnaev on its cover, a spot usually reserved for prominent entertainment or political figures. National chains such as Walgreen’s and CVS have refused to sell the August issue, ignoring the fact that nearly every other Rolling Stone issue features a cover photo of someone heavily involved in unsavory, illegal, or harmful activities.

“When people say nothing of our lionizing of drug addicts, womanizers, and abusers of their romantic partners, I have to say I find this particular bit of noise disingenuous,” said Wenner. In its 46-year history the magazine has featured Woody Allen, whose marriage to Mia Farrow dissolved over his sexual relationship with the couple’s adopted daughter; Madonna, who has been second only to porn stars in glamorizing the sexualization of women; and Kurt Cobain, whose substance abuse and stormy relationship with Courtney Love eventually led to his 1994 suicide. According to Wenner, these three were but the tip of the cultural iceberg that Rolling Stone’s covers represented, and he could not help but wonder what made Americans stay silent until now.

My Little Pony“Actually, it’s more of a cesspool than an iceberg. Are you telling me it’s OK to heap praise on people who promote the use of LSD, such as several of The Beatles? Or Jimi Hendrix, who died because he took eighteen times the recommended dosage of sleeping pills?” continued an incredulous Wenner. “Heck, even our own writer, Hunter S. Thompson, admitted to using drugs, alcohol, and violence, and he also killed himself. What do you expect from us, My Little Pony?”

In response to suggestions that Tsarnaev was a different order of unpleasant character, an actual terrorist and murderer, Wenner retorted that Rolling Stone had on four occasions put none other than Richard Nixon on its cover, and asked reporters why no one seemed to care then that the publication was lionizing a hateful, bloodthirsty, bigoted, corrupt hypocrite responsible for the loss of thousands of American, Vietnamese, Cambodian, and other lives. “The Guy was scum,” noted Wenner. “Where were all these critics then?”

At press time, an animated South Park version of Saddam Hussein and an image of Darth Vader, who have also appeared on Rolling Stone covers, were heard laughing in a sinister fashion.


Written by Thag

July 18, 2013 at 12:52 pm

4 Responses

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  1. Some punk deciding to imitate Nixon or Cobain – highly unlikely and doesn’t pose much of a threat to our safety. Some punk trying to imitate Dzhokhar as the quickest way to the cover of Rolling Stone – much more likely and represents a real threat to our safety. Putting our safety at risk to sell magazines is NOT acceptable and kudos to the establishments who recognized this and refused to sell this issue.

    Rav Shmuel

    July 18, 2013 at 11:15 pm

    • Some punks are CONSTANTLY trying to imitate Cobain; others, Nixon (see: almost every politician, given the opportunity). But that misses the point. It’s quite unlikely that anyone would become a terrorist just for the fleeting fame, despite your heated, fear-mongering rhetoric. Anyone who would see being on a magazine cover as a good reason to commit a heinous crime would easily find some other impetus to do so; sociopaths are like that.

      But even more importantly, THIS IS SATIRE AND NOT ACTUAL NEWS. Would a publisher actually talk about his own magazine that way? Please.


      July 19, 2013 at 12:09 am

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