Yankee Fans Looking Forward to Dominant Season, Early Playoff Exit
Tampa, Florida (AP) – As pitchers and catchers began reporting for spring training this week, Yankee fans started their annual ritual of anticipating a season full of on-field success followed by a disappointing performance in the postseason.
While analysts and fans alike debate the merits of keeping aging, expensive stars as everyday players, those players are gearing up for yet another spring, summer and early autumn of crescendoing excitement leading to soul-sucking frustration. For the Yankees and their fans, the portion of autumn in which they will take an active interest or part will be comparatively abbreviated.
That fact has not stopped lifelong Yankee fans from attending exhibition games during spring training. Neither has it dissuaded season-ticket holders from rearranging their lives around the team’s regular-season home schedule, or from paying exorbitant prices to score good seats at Yankee Stadium.
“Sports fans in general are a masochistic sort,” says Professor Marge Schott of Ohio State University, a cultural anthropologist. “You don’t have to look much farther than Chicago. The Cubs haven’t won a championship in more than a century, and the team’s fans nurture this perverse pride, as if true fandom can only exist when your team doesn’t win.”
“In the case of the Yankees, you have to multiply that, because they’ve had baseball’s largest payroll since Lord knows when, and that creates expectations that fate just loves to explode,” continued Schott, her breathing getting faster. “Add to that the fact that it’s New York, and everyone loves to hate New York because they’re jealous of the outsize role the place plays in every area of culture, economics and politics.”
“On top of it all they also have to deal with the Jets!” Schott shouted, a maniacal grin stretching across her face, referring to the the area’s perpetually underachieving football team, one of the few franchises in NFL history to go more than four decades without a Super Bowl appearance.
Recent years have reinforced the pattern of Yankee playoff underachievement. After winning four world championships from 1996-2000, the team has since secured the title only once, in 2009. Only once did the Yankees fail to make the postseason entirely during that time, representing ten postseasons characterized by dashed hopes and rueful second-guessing.
Schott declined to comment on the Mets, the Yankees’ crosstown rivals, saying they were beneath contempt, and that not even devoted haters of New York could in good conscience wish the Mets on the city.
Please Like Mightier than the Pen on Facebook, where “Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack” is completely devoid of any salacious meaning. Pervert.