Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

You Could Use a Session or Two of Misguided Imagery

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Careful. It took Luke Skywalker a long time to build this.

Careful. It took Luke Skywalker a long time to build this.

Recurring depression, huh? I’m sorry. You must be having a difficult time. I know you’ve been in and out of treatment for a while, and it’s not really my place to get involved in that, but have you ever considered misguided imagery?

A good misguided imagery facilitator can help you reach some real breakthroughs especially if you’re looking to make that depression stop recurring, and simply be there all the time, the way it should. I know a girl who saw this misguided imagery specialist, and wham! She was confused as hell in no time. Really took her mind off her terminal illness for a while. And my next-door neighbor shouts much more coherently at his TV set now, after he went through a whole series of misguided imagery sessions.

You’ve probably encountered something similar before, but in misguided imagery, instead of taking the client on an emotional, spiritual or psychological journey toward a better attitude or a solution, the therapist focuses on getting you to get hung up on the nitty-gritty, the mundane, the completely pointless, so you don’t have to go through the stress of worrying constantly about mounting bills, emotional trauma, dysfunctional relationships, whatever. That stuff doesn’t matter, anyway, not when there are countless images in the real world, not to mention in your imagination, of the British royal family, the Kardashians, and the latest developments in reality TV.

And the music – you might expect a meditation-like session would feature some music, and you’d be right – everything from bluegrass to country and back again, played at twice the normal speed. It helps the brain process the images faster, so you get more efficient at it. Practice makes perfect! You want that trusty brain preoccupied with following the in-your-face, repetitive, less-than-subtle art form so it doesn’t have time to devote to the sewer that your life has become. Imagine you’re somewhere else and you never have to come back! Maybe even a place like Heaven. They might even play country music there!

I’m no expert in therapy, I know, but I do know you have to watch out for the charlatans. You want to make sure the misguided imagery therapist knows what he or she is doing. That means no one from those highfalutin universities, no way. At those places, they beat the misguided everything out of the student in no time. You need a community college graduate, or better yet, a dropout, with plenty of exposure to the new-age world. Better yet, someone who goes in for conspiracy theories, or who professes deep mistrust of anything that’s been subjected to scientific testing.

I’m glad to provide this information; no, don’t thank me. You haven’t even tried it yet. After you do, let me know how it goes. In the meantime, I’ll be at work, making these pornographic rosary beads.

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Written by Thag

February 5, 2013 at 8:56 pm

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