Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Rapists Concerned New Delhi Attack Might Give Them Bad Name

with 7 comments

move alongNew Delhi, India (Reuters) – Following the death of a woman who was gang-raped on a bus earlier this month in the Indian capital, rapists across the Indian societal spectrum are voicing concern that the incident will harm their reputations.

“Most of us are normal, hardworking guys, and something like this gets us really worried,” said Whatshewants Dusinmatta, 40, of Bangalore. “The vast majority of times we do what we do, it doesn’t result in riots, so we’re naturally a bit nervous that people might not treat us the same way anymore.”

The Indian umbrella organization of sexual assailants, All Sheilas Know It’s Natural and Good For Overpowering Romeos to Impale Them (ASKINGFORIT), advised its members this week not to couple their violation of women’s bodies with violations of murder statues, at least until the current episode of negative publicity subsides. Spokesman Theyall Wantitt said the group was preparing a public relations campaign to attenuate the effects of the December 16 gang-rape on the reputations of rapists in India.

“Most Indians realize that these thugs do not represent us as a whole,” he said, “and our campaign will emphasize that we rapists are not these supervillains who drive around on buses picking women up. We are your fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins, neighbours, classmates, and coworkers. That alone should tell everyone that public safety in India has not appreciably changed as a result of this unusual incident.” He said the organization would work with police so that the public’s confidence in its law enforcement institutions would not be affected. An estimated 1% of sexual assault and harassment are currently reported to the authorities.

A similar concern plagued rapists in Pakistan and Afghanistan earlier this year, when a twelve-year-old who was gang-raped managed to escape and reach Westerners who provided her with treatment and protection. Her male relatives and the leaders of her tribal village spent weeks trying to reassure their clansmen and the wider public that the escape did not represent a shift in policy away from killing the victim to maintain the family’s honor. Purveyors of sulfuric acid had also been worried about a drop in sales if jealous husbands would stop throwing their product in the faces of wives and daughters suspected of entertaining such radical feminist ideas as leaving the family hovel for a few minutes.

child marriageEventually the media attention and related disturbances petered out. ASKINGFORIT clearly hopes that a similar phenomenon will characterize the New Delhi case, although currently the city is seeing vehement protests that continue to worry rapists. “Our way of life is threatened,” said Shova Nistpig, mayor of the southern town of Sekslaiveree who has been raping women for upwards of four decades. “The invasion of foreign values has given people all the wrong ideas about people’s proper places in society.”

“It’s one thing to attack the caste system, which has its problems,” he conceded, “and I say that as a Brahmin,” a member of the elite caste. “But the focus on one extraordinarily violent rape in New Delhi is making it harder and harder for the traditional rapists to go about their activities unmolested.”

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Written by Thag

December 29, 2012 at 10:25 pm

7 Responses

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  1. You got me and sucked me right through to the end– bravo and well done!

    Fiercely Yours

    December 29, 2012 at 11:20 pm

  2. Ah Thag. You are a sick, sick and very funny man. This is fucking brilliant (please excuse the language). Rapists concerned about their reputation… Such scathing satire, I wonder if you need a tv show or something. I’d watch it.

    Trent Lewin

    December 30, 2012 at 1:40 am

    • A video recording of my life would be like a Three Stooges clip, in color, but with one guy falling all over himself instead of three. Admittedly, I’m still perfecting making it look like sticking both fingers in my eyes is accidental. Also, my hair isn’t right. It’s far too normal. Nyuk, nyuk.


      December 30, 2012 at 7:14 am

      • I dunno, that sounds pretty entertaining.

        Trent Lewin

        December 30, 2012 at 3:20 pm

        • Yeah, but exhausting. Have you any idea how much energy it takes to hit yourself with a banana cream pie from across the room? And how much stamina is necessary to do it however many times necessary until you get it right?


          December 30, 2012 at 3:22 pm

  3. Brilliant!


    December 30, 2012 at 7:42 am

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