Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Kazakhstan Crash Investigators Shocked to Discover Kazakhstan Has Planes

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Because, let's face it, about 12 people both know and care where it is.

Because, let’s face it, about 12 people both know and care where it is.

Astana, Republic of Kazakhstan (Reuters) – Following the crash of a military plane that killed all 27 aboard, Kazakh authorities were stunned to discover that Kazakhstan actually possesses the technology of heavier-than-air flight.

The An-72 transport plane was carrying a crew of seven and twenty passengers, including the acting head of Kazakhstan’s border protection service. That means that at least twenty-seven people in the country knew of the capability, although it remains unclear whether anyone now remains in Kazakhstan who might be able to identify, let alone pilot, an aircraft.

The Central Asian country is the largest landlocked country in the world; most of its military equipment was inherited from the now-defunct Soviet Union. The aging systems have put a strain on Kazakhstan’s technical resources, which are much more accustomed to agriculture, animal husbandry and polluting the atmosphere with hydrocarbons. Western military experts expressed surprise that the republic had managed to train a crew to fly a plane, and noted that apparently the training program had yet to cover more advanced skills such as landing.

“[President Nursultan] Nazarbayev might have kept this game-changer off the world’s radar for much longer if not for this accident,” said Orville Wright, a flight technology consultant in Kitty Hawk, North Carolina, who studies the development of military aviation in Asia. “Apparently it has become a tradition in Asia to mask progress on strategic military initiatives,” he added, referring to Iran’s pursuit of nuclear weapons technology. For reasons still unclear to experts with an IQ under 40, Iran insists that its program is for civilian purposes only.

Wright noted that it is entirely possible that Kazakhstan possesses more aircraft. “No one seemed to know about the An-72 until it crashed, so it’s quite likely Nazarbayev’s military has a few more surprises up its sleeve.” He declined to speculate whether the other still-unknown Kazakh technology includes indoor plumbing, but he and other experts agree it is extremely unlikely the nation has developed or acquired non-corrupt politicians.

Kazakh cavalry. Expert now suspect Kazakhstan has acquired horseshoe technology, as well.

Kazakh cavalry. Experts now suspect Kazakhstan has acquired horseshoe technology, as well.

“Most of Kazakhstan’s political apparatus is a holdover from totalitarian Soviet days,” explained Tom Clancy, who studies the former republics of the Soviet Union. “Every few years there are elections for the legislative bodies, but the real power rests with the President, who was elected in 1991 and dominates the political scene.” But Clancy was nevertheless impressed by the Nazarbayev administration’s ability to conceal its possession of twentieth-century technology, an effort that, if not for the accident, might have allowed the country to avoid detection of the program until it could already deploy the equipment.

Clancy nevertheless wonders whether the secrecy would have lasted long, as use of the planes requires infrastructure such as hangars, runways and other installations are impossible to conceal for very long in this age of satellite imagery. However, he doubts whether any other nation would bother using its fleet of spy satellites to inspect the godforsaken country, so detection may not have occurred until much later.

Please Like Mightier than the Pen on Facebook, where we don’t have indoor plumbing, either. We get rid of our crap by posting it online.

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Written by Thag

December 26, 2012 at 4:34 pm

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