Mightier Than The Pen

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Congress Forms Run-On Sentence Committee It Will Meet Monthly

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Washington, DC (AP) – The House of Representatives and Senate each took up the issue of the run-on sentence this week both houses inaugurated Run-On Sentence Committees to handle legislation written in that form.

Anticipated budget cuts are expected to include office supplies and ink this means the various documents used in legislation will have to use less ink one of the ways Congress will cope with that requirement is the elimination of many periods from the documents paragraphs that under normal circumstances would be divided into several discrete sentences will now be rendered as a continuous, if awkward, sentence.

“This is an important landmark in the evolution of the legislative process,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, “and I would especially like to thank the Republican leadership for demonstrating that we can work together on important issues I hope this is the harbinger of a fruitful period of bipartisan cooperation.”

The stenographers charged with recording the proceedings in Congress welcome the change as well they appreciate the effort it saves them every twelve or thirteen seconds instead of having to reach all the way over for the period key they simply keep on typing, “it takes a little bit of getting used to – old habits die hard,” said Theresa Olssen, a Senate stenographer since 2004, “but once we got the hang of it it was basically smooth sailing I think this approach should be taught in schools that’s how most people talk nowadays anyway.”

To kick off the Committee’s activities in Congress the House of Representatives plans a ceremony over which John Boehner will preside it will introduce the members of the committees on both houses the committees will consist of seventeen members in the 535-member House and eleven in the 100-member Senate the committees will convene on the first Wednesday of each month to monitor adherence to the new punctuation guidelines and discuss ways to improve the performance of any representatives lagging in adapting to the new run-on standard disciplinary measures may be weighed for those who continually revert to the previous format.

Boehner has warned his fellow Republicans to stay in line, as further changes are forthcoming they include a provision mandating other variations from classic grammatical and syntactical forms the dangling participle is already part of a draft proposal to be introduced in the spring in order to further save on explanatory clauses.

Being a new form, Boehner expects the participle, too, as well as the sentence ending with a preposition, to take time to get used to.

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Written by Thag

November 27, 2012 at 10:42 pm

One Response

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  1. Ban all sentences.


    November 28, 2012 at 1:54 pm

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