Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Misinformed Racists up in Arms over ‘Black’ Friday, Monday

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Boise, Idaho (Reuters) – The Aryan Secession Society (ASS) held a demonstration today in downtown Boise to protest the observance of Black Friday and Black Monday. Thirty-five ASS members held aloft placards proclaiming the United States a “White Christian Nation,” and chanting slogans to the effect that people of African descent do not deserve such a national holiday, let alone two.

The popularly accepted etymology of the terms has them referring to the kickoff of the post-Thanksgiving, pre-Christmas shopping season, when retailers anticipate seeing the red-ink deficit numbers turn to black-ink positive balances in their ledgers. To ASS people, however, any mention of the term “black” in a non-negative context threatens the perception of the world they wish to maintain.

In fact the term began in Philadelphia in the mid-twentieth century in reference to post-Thanksgiving pedestrian crowds, but ASS will hear none of it. “If it’s black, send it back!” read a sign, meaning back to Africa, where blacks, and humanity itself, originated.

“Keep Christmas White!” shouted Anthony LaRouche, who had brought along his four-year-old daughter Eva. “We’re not going to stand here and let some Kenyan turn our calendar into some set of perverted African pagan cannibal festivals,” he explained, betraying monumental ignorance of current events, history, anthropology and basic common sense. When informed that the term preceded Barack Obama’s presidency by several decades and had nothing to do with race, LaRouche called it “that much more insidious, because everyone thinks it’s innocuous.”

ASS founder and Director Skidd Marx exhorted his followers with a megaphone and haranguing passers-by to sign a petition calling for a repeal of the fourteenth, fifteenth and sixteenth Amendments to the Constitution, a measure that they believe would revoke the citizenship of blacks, deny them the right to vote and restore them to slave status. The Amendments were ratified in the 1860’s and have long been a matter of national consensus.

“This nation could have been great, but it lost its way and now honors the wrong people!” Marx told the assembled crowd. “No more blacks in November! That’s all you need to remember!” The attendees took up the chant, making it all the way through five times before losing steam and waiting for Marx to say more.

Marx said he considered the gathering a success, especially in terms of numbers, as the organization has struggled to attract membership and attendance. “Our problem is our name – we don’t really have the name recognition of, say, a Ku Klux Klan or Aryan Nation,” he said. “But this time around we asked our members to bring along any family that might be staying with them for Thanksgiving, and that upped the numbers by at least ten.” Last year’s rally was canceled on account of rain.

Boise residents misunderstood the intent of the demonstration, thinking that the banners reading “ASS” were related to some election campaign, even though election campaign season ended weeks ago. “Isn’t that some environmental group?” asked Joe Whitaker, 38, a pharmacist visiting from Ketchum. “Americans for Safer Sewage or something like that?”

“What a dumb name,” he said, shaking his head as he walked away, holding this month’s issue of Ebony.

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Written by Thag

November 25, 2012 at 11:02 pm

One Response

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  1. I never understood the whole “Black” part of this mega shopping day. Is it because people start shopping at midnight? Is it because stores hope that their ledgers will run in the “black” not the “red” (other color choices I don’t understand-and potentially racially charged)? They should call that day what it is: “Capitalism Gone Nuts Friday.” Marx would love that…

    Lorna's Voice

    November 26, 2012 at 5:42 pm

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