Romney Campaign Protests Scheduling Hurricane Right before Election Day
Washington, DC (AP) – With the Republican governor of New Jersey praising President Barack Obama for his leadership and the scale of destruction wrought by Hurricane Sandy, Mitt Romney and his campaign advisers find themselves shut out of the top headlines in the crucial days before Election Day – and they’re not taking that sitting down.
“Obama and his reelection machine cynically scheduled the hurricane when his campaign needed it most,” Romney said to a group of second-tier reporters, whose elite colleagues were concentrating on the storm cutting a swath through the Northeast. “With malice aforethought, he’s exploiting the flooding and tragedy of a hurricane for visibility. The American people know better than that. Barack Obama, call off the hurricane!”
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, a high-ranking Republican on the national stage, offered effusive praise for President Obama, specifically noting the latter’s confident, reassuring presence on the airwaves. The President, said Christie, projected the proper mix of solemn resolve and hope so critical in the face of Sandy’s dangers and damage.
The Romney campaign did not anticipate such words from a Republican, especially one so prominent as Christie, so close to Election Day. “When I’m elected I’ll make sure to move hurricane season to the winter, where it belongs,” said Romney. “In fact I’ve been saying for quite some time we need to reexamine this whole hurricane thing, but the current administration clearly has no regard for the effect that storms of this magnitude have on John Q. Taxpayer.”
“In fact,” added Romney spokesman John Sununu, “it was under a Democrat-controlled Congress that President Bush struggled to cope with Hurricane Katrina.” That 2005 storm became etched in the public perception as a case of Presidential mismanagement compounding state government incompetence, and the head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency, tasked with addressing the disaster, was forced to resign.
“Isn’t it convenient,” asked Sununu, “that with a Democrat in the White House the scheduled hurricane hits an area completely devoid of levees?” He referred to the dams that failed to contain torrents of rain and sea water during Katrina, which were built by the Army Corps of Engineers but could not handle the pressure or volume of water.
But Romney and his supporters have had a hard time getting their accusations to the public, which is engrossed in the drama of seeing the nation’s largest, wealthiest city get smacked by Mother Nature. The Republican candidate hopes the schadenfreude experienced by all non-New Yorkers will carry over to Election Day, when, he believes Americans will have the opportunity, as he put it, “to stick it to the elitist incumbent.”
“We all hate New York. Obama loves New York. You know what to do, America.”
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