Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Romney Prepares to Boldly Lead America into the 1950s

with 3 comments

Washington, DC (AP) – Ramping up his Presidential campaign, Republican candidate Mitt Romney today reiterated his pledge to lead the country back to its simpler, nobler state: the 1950s.

“For too long, America has languished under the shadow of relativism, of questioning her values,” Romney said at a rally in Ohio. “But America has always been at her greatest without all that self-doubt. We knew Communism was evil, and we fought it without compromise. We knew American cars were the best, and we bought them with pride. Did anyone hesitate because of some wishy-washy ideas about so-called global warming? No!” he continued, to rousing applause.

The Romney campaign released a new brochure and section of its website detailing what it calls the Restoration of America’s Core Ideal Supreme Time, an initiative to remove all the complexities that have hampered American supremacy over the last few decades. RACIST aims chiefly to turn back the clock to a time before the upheaval and trouble of the civil rights movement, when “Americans knew their places and did their patriotic duty no matter what.”

But RACIST has a number of important secondary objectives, including a Constitutional amendment requiring all Americans to support the government’s policies, since the government, like father, always knows best. It also proposes reinstating the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy regarding gays in the military, pushing homosexuality back into the closet where it belongs, if it belongs anywhere.

On the world stage, RACIST takes an uncompromising position, asserting that no country or entity anywhere must be allowed to question, let alone challenge, American pursuits or interests, on pain of swift military retaliation.

Toward both the domestic and international ends, the Romney initiative calls for robust surveillance measures at home and abroad to ensure that the FBI, NSA, CIA and related agencies can better monitor suspected seditious activities such as operating country clubs that are not restricted to white Christians, or campaigning against capital punishment. The death penalty would be mandated for activism toward abolishing the death penalty.

RACIST would formalize lynching procedures, whereby any black man suspected of thinking lustfully about a white woman would be taken to a legally sanctioned area for beating and hanging.

Rape within marriage would be outlawed, meaning that it would be outside the jurisdiction of the legal system; wives would be legally bound to please their husbands sexually, to keep the home clean, to prepare dinner and to maintain an attractive appearance.

Reaction to RACIST has been mixed even among Republicans, a factor that Romney aides underscores the need for just such a program. “We’ve sunk so far from the clarity of half a century ago that even patriotic Republicans need a morale boost,” said Ralph Reed, a conservative lobbyist. “It’s partly because schools are allowed to teach evolution, and abortion is legal, and we intend to address those issues this coming January.”

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Written by Thag

October 15, 2012 at 11:46 am

3 Responses

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  1. Very good, starting to sound a little like The Handmaids Tale. 😉


    October 15, 2012 at 2:20 pm

  2. Lol I think I might love you.


    October 15, 2012 at 10:36 pm

  3. Brilliant!


    October 16, 2012 at 1:01 am

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