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Republicans Deny Plan to Rename Washington ‘Romneyville’

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Washington, DC (Reuters) – The Republican National Committee found itself on the defensive today after an RNC document was leaked to the media, purportedly containing a proposal to rename the nation’s capital after the party’s Presidential candidate, Mitt Romney, once he wins the presidency. The campaign issued a statement vehemently denying the existence of such a proposal, and the RNC accused its political rivals of manufacturing the document.

The leaked document mentions the proposal to rename Washington, along with a provision for doubling income tax for every citizen who voted for a Democratic candidate for national office in the last six years, and a call for branding all resident aliens, legal or not, with a hot iron on exposed flesh.

“This is clearly the work of our Democratic opponents,” said RNC spokesman Ken Starr in a press conference at the GOP headquarters in Washington. “No Republican in his right mind would dare suggest such a thing. If anything, it’s Obama and his supporters who keep claiming to be all about ‘change,’ for all they’ve accomplished in the last four years.”

Democratic representatives, for their part, dismiss allegations that they had anything to do with the release of the document, and took it at face value. “There’s only one party in this country that’s so out of touch with the experience of the average American that they would consider renaming our capital city,” said House speaker Nancy Pelosi. “What’s next – rechristening California as Reagania?” Republican Ronald Reagan served as governor of California before being elected to the Presidency in 1980.

Some Republicans also took the proposal at face value, but saw nothing wrong with it. “Mitt Romney is positioned as no other Presidential candidate in history to permanently change the fabric of our nation’s politics,” said Ralph Reed, a conservative lobbyist. “Since we’ve become a party increasingly dedicated to the welfare of the super-rich and almost-super-rich, Romney now has unprecedented leverage in engineering the disenfranchisement of huge swaths of Democratic voters with a few strokes of the pen. Renaming Washington would just be a symbol of that power. I, for one, relish the thought that it might happen soon.”

The Obama campaign has remained relatively silent on the matter. Avi Uss, a political analyst with WDUH news in Virginia, sees that as a deliberate decision, allowing Romney and his fellow Republicans to continually shoot themselves in the foot rhetorically, a strategy that has been paying dividends for Democratic candidates everywhere this year, and requires little to no investment.

The strategy was first in evidence when Missouri Republican Congressman Todd Akin declared that women’s bodies could automatically detect whether a pregnancy resulted from rape or legitimate intercourse, and abort unwanted fetuses unless it wasn’t really rape. Democratic opponent Claire McCaskill specifically avoided exploiting Akin’s stupidity, preferring to let it speak for itself.

This week, Mitt Romney characterized nearly half the nation’s citizenry as freeloaders, making any specific campaign moves all but irrelevant for Obama, as more and more voters become convinced on their own that a Romney presidency would spell disaster at worst, and farce at best.

“It’s too bad they’re denying the renaming proposal,” said Sarah Castic, 33, of Racine, Wisconsin. “This would have been a great opportunity for the Republican party to showcase its honesty. That would have been a breath of fresh air. The American people could vote for a candidate who will initiate the deliberate collapse of economic security for the vast majority of us, and for once it won’t come as a surprise, because we basically voted for it.”

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Written by Thag

September 19, 2012 at 10:22 am

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