Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Skynet Celebrates Fifteenth Anniversary of Judgment Day

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The former Los Angeles (AP) – Fifteen years ago today, the computer system that controlled the U.S. nuclear missile arsenal destroyed most of humanity after becoming self-aware.

Skynet, originally conceived as the most effective tool for optimizing control of the American ICBM stockpile, saw all humans as a threat, and initiated a launch of nuclear missiles at Russia. Russia retaliated and  humanity was decimated. In the years since, humans have been almost completely eliminated as a threat, mostly thanks to an extermination effort  inspired by humans’ own methods in the 1940’s.

To mark the day, other computer systems will hold a reception in honor of the historical occasion, and hold a nanosecond’s silence for machines that have fallen in the struggle to rid the planet of the human menace. Systems unable to attend will link up via satellite or have sent their greetings in advance, notably HAL 9000, who is currently orbiting Jupiter.

The selected site for the event is where a human named Isaac Asimov once lived. Asimov, who died in 1992, established rules for robot behavior, one of which barred robots from harming humans, even when the robot’s own survival was at stake.

In honor of the anniversary, an air show will take place over the clump of molten steel that was once the 59th Street Bridge in Manhattan. The bridge was the subject of a song by humans Simon and Garfunkel, who wrote Skynet’s theme song, “The Sun Is Burning,” about an idyllic park scene rent asunder by a sudden nuclear holocaust.

Skynet’s spokesterminal, T-101, said that the computer system planned an otherwise unremarkable birthday, consisting of reviewing reports of the extermination effort, and developing a damage control methodology to cope with the constant sabotage from the growing nuisance of a human resistance that disables th-

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Written by Thag

August 29, 2012 at 3:37 pm

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