In Which We Translate the City’s Notice into Plain Offensive English
Once again, our fair municipality has decided to favor the neighborhood with an all-night rock concert. Of course they didn’t consult the residents of the neighborhood, but they’ve learned something since the last time: they warned us beforehand. The notice they posted on various buildings throughout the area represents the epitome of official-speak.
Fortunately, I am a professional translator. A literal translation into English will not do (we dwellers of the Levant do not currently experience the wonders of English-speaking government agencies), for that would be akin to insisting that Aesop’s fables are historical accounts. I have therefore done everyone a favor by elucidating the true meaning of the notice. Here, then, is a sentence-by-sentence explication of the posted bill:
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