Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Sheep Glumly Accept Characterization as Passive

with 11 comments

A new survey of the sheep community demonstrates the group’s continued acceptance of its reputation for passivity when confronted with danger, reports the journal Sheer. A spokesman for the animals shrugged off the announcement.

Ovine sociologists from Tufts University visited a number of slaughterhouses across New Zealand to conduct a poll of the individuals on ovine death row. They found that the vast majority – nearly 98% – of the sheep barely reacted to being shorn in preparation for their deaths, and the same percentage showed little response to their imminent demise.

Sheep waiting their turn at O'Donnell's. Mary Woolsey of BAA is at left.

The study results constitute the latest evidence to buttress the age-old image of sheep as eschewing resistance. The trend was first recorded by ancient observers, who in the eighth century BCE wrote down their findings in the journal Isaiah. As this observation proved increasingly common, more and more researchers flocked to the banner of ovine passivity.

Although the surveyed sheep displayed remarkable equanimity in advance of their slaughter, Mary Woolsey, head of BAA, the Bureau of Apathetic Aries, dismissed the findings as irrelevant. “It makes no difference,” she said, citing the sheer number of animals involved. “It’s not like anyone’s hearts will bleat for us anyway,” she said in a recent interview at O’Donnell’s Meat Plant.

At press time, Ms. Woolsey was unavailable for further comment.


Written by Thag

December 14, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with , , , , ,

11 Responses

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  1. Funny!

    Marc Schuster

    December 14, 2011 at 4:21 pm

  2. Of course, “poll” is an archaic word for “shave.” But ewe knew that.


    December 14, 2011 at 4:47 pm

  3. I don’t mean to ram my opinions down your throat, so imagine me asking this question sheepishly: “Why is the magazine named “Sheer”? I’d’ve thought “Shear” would be better – but that’s sheer presumptuousness on my part…

    David S.

    December 14, 2011 at 7:19 pm

    • See, now you’ve got me penned in. If I fix it, no one will understand why we had this exchange.


      December 14, 2011 at 8:46 pm

      • Wether or not spelling counts, I wish you Fleece Navidad…

        David S.

        December 14, 2011 at 9:58 pm

        • Lamb of God. Nice spin. ‘Course he was probably born in the fall or spring lamb.


          December 14, 2011 at 10:01 pm

  4. That’s pretty sacrilegious, Thag. And almost as arcane as Mutton Torah…

    David S.

    December 14, 2011 at 11:59 pm

    • It’s not sacrilegious if you’re an adherent of Islamb. Now quit busting my chops.


      December 15, 2011 at 8:16 am

  5. Perhaps Ms. Woolsey was observing Ramadan when you tried to reach her for comment. She could very well be Muslin hiding in sheep’s clothing since it would be safer given the political climate…

    Lorna's Voice

    December 15, 2011 at 4:54 pm

  6. baaaaaa humbug…


    December 15, 2011 at 8:18 pm

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