Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Hamas Entrance Exam

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Thank you for selecting Hamas as your employer of preference. Unfortunately, the demand for positions with our organization far outstrips supply, and we must choose only those candidates who meet our rigorous criteria for membership. The following exam is designed to identify the candidates best suited to the organization’s needs. You have five minutes for each section.

Section 1: Multiple Choice:

1. This image depicts:
(a) The desire of every good Muslim.
(b) My deepest passion.
(c) A pathetic representation of the real carnage I intend to wreak upon the Zionist filth.
(d) My daily lunch outing.

2. The image of this weapon:
(a) Stirs my soul to the depths of its being. Resistance!
(b) Calls to mind the martyrs and heroes of yesteryear.
(c) Will strike fear into the running pig dogs who occupy our holy land.
(d) Looks just like the others I have lying around.

3. My feelings toward this graffiti are:
(a) “That pretty well captures my sentiments.”
(b) “Why isn’t there any Arabic there? At the TOP of the image? And what’s with all those infidel languages?”
(c) “Why is ‘Jew’ only in the singular?”
(d) “You know, someone might conclude from this that the so-called ‘Holocaust’ actually happened.”

Section 2: Short Answers
Please answer in five words or fewer.

1. Which body part of the Jew should be hooked to the back of the pickup truck on the way to the lynching?

2. Zionism creates more filth and pain than ___________.

3. When Islam conquers the world, all infidels will be __________.

4. The best target for a suicide commando operation into Zionist territory is an unarmed ___________.

Section 3: Essays
Please answer three of the following in about 400 words each.

1. Which is preferable, death by suicide bombing at a crowded Zionist pig night club, or death by Zionist pig security forces shooting you as you slit the throats of a Zionist colonialist settler family? Explain.

2. Explain the advantages of Hamas’s uncompromising position vis-à-vis the Zionist entity and its immediate annihilation vs. the traitorous, appeasement-loving Fatah position that destruction of the Zionists must happen in stages and may include cowardly “peace” agreements.

3. Where does one draw the line, if at all, between calling for a second Holocaust and denying such a thing ever happened, except as perpetrated constantly by the Zionists?

4. Would Muammar Qaddafi have served well as a Palestinian leader, or was he too squeamish when it came to the slaughter of enemies? Give specific examples.


Written by Thag

October 30, 2011 at 7:05 pm

4 Responses

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  1. That’s pretty good. Scholars can spend pages and pages trying to get this point across yet you managed it in one, short post. Comedy can be fantastic tool.

    Incidentally I find that hangman graffiti picture fascinating, the sheer absurdity of it.

    Michael Cargill

    October 31, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    • Just an image I found through Google, but yes, it raises a number of intriguing questions:
      1. How is someone who can apparently communicate in three languages still that stupid?
      2. Don’t they teach penmanship in graffiti school anymore?
      3. Not directly germane to the photo per se, but if the Jews supposedly have this quasi-mystical power to be in control of everything and have at their disposal such vast wealth and connections, where the hell is MY share?


      October 31, 2011 at 3:10 pm

  2. None of these questions were covered in class. Or were they and I was distracted by that new catalog, Weapons of Mass Destruction Fall Clearance? I mean, 25% off AND free shipping!

    Lorna's Voice

    October 31, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    • Hey, if you want an extra little something with your order, I can put in a good word for you with my friend Marwan…


      October 31, 2011 at 4:51 pm

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