Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Good Thing Jack B. Nimble Has Insurance, Too

with 3 comments

Ten little monkeys, jumping on the bed
One fell off and bumped his head
Mama called the doctor and the doctor said,
“No more monkeys jumping on the bed!”

 Nine little monkeys, jumping on the bed…

Dear Mrs. Jorgensen:

As required under the terms of your coverage, Dr. Pollock’s veterinary practice has duly informed us of a series of recent office visits by several patients covered under your policy.

Please be advised that currently the veterinary care policy does not cover treatment for incidents involving furniture and/or acrobatics thereupon by monkeys. Section 6, Paragraph 4 clearly makes this point. We are therefore forced to withhold coverage for the visits in question (July 6-August 19).

To avoid such unnecessary medical visits, we recommend restricting your monkeys to areas of the house where medical incidents of this nature will less likely occur.

Alternatively, we can suggest an upgrade to our Premium policy, which does cover monkeys jumping on beds. The other advantages of Premium include:

–          Homeowner’s or renter’s insurance for unusual abodes such as shoes, especially those inhabited by large numbers of offspring;
–          Replacement bottles of fermented hops beverages in quantities beginning at 100 and gradually diminishing as a result of gravity;
–          Replacement in case of disappearance or theft of cookies from their countertop storage receptacles, in cases where the identity of the accused keeps shifting as the bus ride continues;
–          Technical support for wheels on buses to ensure they go round and round; for windows that go open and shut; passengers that go up and down; babies that go ‘wah-wah-wah’; mommies that go ‘sh-sh-sh’; wipers that go swish-swish-swish; and drivers that go ‘move on back’ all through the town (out-of-town coverage available for an additional fee).

Thank you for choosing Goose Insurance. For further questions, or to upgrade to Premium, please do not hesitate to contact us at 1-888-MOTHER-G.

Sincerely,

Henn Pecht
Agent

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Written by Thag

October 19, 2011 at 1:18 pm

3 Responses

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  1. Fun and clever! Thanks for the laugh.

    Paprika Furstenburg

    October 19, 2011 at 2:21 pm

  2. I love the whole post, but especially the agent’s name!

    whatimeant2say

    October 20, 2011 at 4:19 am

  3. It’s the fine print that gets you every time. How many times have insurance agents said, “Oh, you don’t need to read all that, I just explained what you really need to know.” And then, SNAP! Your little monkey gets hurt and a letter like this comes in the mail.

    I happens all the time…

    Great post! 😉

    Lorna's Voice

    October 20, 2011 at 3:26 pm


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