Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Actually, You COULD Make This Stuff Up

with one comment

In the B Movie

In the Trashy Novel

In Your Life

Tuxedoed men and elegantly gowned women holding glasses of wine in a plush room; police detective enters. Crockett felt out of place in the vast hall of Hathaway Manor. The dazzling crystal chandeliers only emphasized his sense of displacement as every eye in the room turned toward him and then away again, dismissing the sight as yet another irrelevant intrusion. But the criminal was there. He’d made one crucial mistake. Arrive at work. Find coffee carafe already empty. Exchange insipid banter with receptionist. Curse life-sucking routine.
Our hero leaps into a convertible and takes off in pursuit of the villain. Hot on the Slade’s heels, Pruitt took the steps three at a time, ducking at each landing in anticipation of gunfire. But all he heard on his way down to the parking garage was the continued rush of footfalls three flights ahead. Pruitt kicked open the door to level B3 in time to see Slade’s black BMW disappear up the exit ramp and into the night. Drop your keys repeatedly on the way through the liquor store parking lot. Accidentally kick them into a storm drain.
Obligatory sex scene showing his rippling pectorals and much more of her. Sasha’s breath quickened as Dale ran his fingers down her neck, tracing the contours of her torso with his lips. A six-pack of Bud Light and the underwear models page of the 1988 Sears Christmas catalog.
Gripping, thrilling music to accompany a violent horseback chase. Despite her dainty looks, Vanessa’s equestrian skills were second to none. She guided her black mare at a gallop toward the bridge over Grissom Gulch, unaware that Anderson’s henchmen had burned it down the night before, and lay in wait in the surrounding woods. You stepped in horse manure at the parade again, didn’t you? Eww. Go clean your shoes before you come into the house.
Band of pirates converges in the forest on the young boy and girl who have absconded with the lost treasure. In the moonlight Alan could see the shadows of men massing in the clearing. He checked to see whether Clara still had the bundle strapped around her waist. To attempt escape now meant finding their way past a hundred armed thugs. To sit tight meant certain discovery and capture at daybreak. He stifled a shudder. The abridged version of Treasure Island quickly scanned before the quiz at school tomorrow.
Futuristic technology that enables instantaneous communication across impossibly vast stretches of space. When the engineer entered the code again, the soft hum of the neutrino antenna array told Koss it was ready to transmit. Easterbrook’s mission to Andromeda, and thus the fate of human civilization, hung in the balance. Koss thought again of Alicia and her ebony tresses. “Hello? Who is this? I can’t hear you. You’re breaking up. Hello? Hello? Are you still there? Hello?”

 

“%$#@! cell phone.”

Breathtaking scenes of wildlife in pristine habitats. Marshall’s crew battled fierce winds and icy waves as the Dreadnought plowed farther south in search of the lost elephant seal colony. “Trevor! Stop knocking on the glass of the snake exhibit or we’ll leave the zoo this instant!”
Characters with impossibly convincing disguises Clark’s knack for languages and culture allowed him to blend in seamlessly anywhere between Morocco and Osaka; and with the help of his connections in Hollywood –a holdover from his previous life as a stuntman – he could get his hands on almost any mask imaginable. On several occasions, in fact, he had impersonated heads of state in three African countries, fooling even the men’s personal bodyguards. Children’s trick-or-treat costumes are 3 for twenty bucks at Target.
Glamorized historical figures Lincoln took a long drag on his cigar before answering. He regarded the general curiously, as if considering whether to order the filet mignon or the duck l’orange. In fact the President intended to have both the next evening after a trip to Ford’s Theater, with perhaps a sip or two of champagne at the show itself. He knew what Mrs. Lincoln would have on under her gown, and that champagne worked like magic to turn her on. “You know, George Washington’s false teeth weren’t actually made of wood. You can look it up.”
Fascinating alien creatures, alternately terrifying and beautiful. The desert mongbat of Perseus II feasted almost exclusively on the flesh of errant astronauts, but not before tormenting them with hallucinations of the most exquisite erotic imagery. “Daddy! The goldfish died again!”
Advertisements

Written by Thag

October 3, 2011 at 2:41 pm

One Response

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. The cell phone one is hilarious!

    whatimeant2say

    October 4, 2011 at 4:27 am


You got something to say?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s