Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Your Kid’s Ability to Display No Ability Whatsoever

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My Kid Can:

And Yet:

Get undressed by himself

Takes all evening to get ready for a shower

Take out all the necessary implements for cereal and milk

Cannot take the used implements to the sink upon finishing

Find exactly the CD he wants from the hundreds in the cabinet

Remains unable to return a single CD to its proper place

Do complex arithmetic in his head

Show no awareness whatsoever how little time is left until the school bus comes

Spot a piece of candy or chocolate from across the house

Stares helplessly at a basket of clean laundry, unable to locate the item he seeks, right there on the top

Run like the wind to chase after a ball

Moves more sluggishly than an actual slug on the way to bed

Schlep all of his books to school every day despite needing only a few

Pleads weakness when it comes to putting all his dirty clothes in the hamper

Remember the lyrics to songs heard only twice

Needs daily reminders not to throw in the house

Tell the same knock-knock joke a billion times

Constantly neglects to say “please” and “thank you”

Devote hours to fashioning a homemade birthday card

Lies helpless in the face of a few minutes’ homework

Shovel pizza into his gullet at breakneck speed

Will not tolerate pasta with tomato sauce and cheese

Stacks blocks carefully and intricately

Knocks over cups full of water at the table

Hates being yelled at

Communicates primarily by yelling

Claims to value his possessions

Actively encourages his two-year-old brother to mistreat his possessions

Read way above his grade level

Thinks Dad’s blog is work


Written by Thag

September 25, 2011 at 1:44 am

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