Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

To Ride this School Bus, You Must Be at Least this Rude

with one comment

1. No fighting on the bus unless you can pretend the driver doesn’t see you.

2. Seat belts are for wusses.

3. It does not count as fighting if it starts out as a game.

4. The No Fighting rule only applies to children who have an actual seat. Children forced to stand in the aisle as a result of crowding may fight to their hearts’ content.

5. Any personal property left on the bus will be given to the driver’s children.

6. Any movies shown during the bus ride must feature just enough inappropriate images, language or violence to make the parents uncomfortable, but not quite enough to get them outraged.

7. A child who misses the bus through no fault of his own will be subjected to a driver-administered tongue-lashing the following day.

8. Children may attack, deface and destroy one another’s personal property as much as they wish, but the moment an object is thrown out the window, the driver reserves the right to refuse further transportation to that child for the duration of the academic year.

9. The decibel level in the bus shall remain higher than 90 at all times when children are on board. This level may be sustained through yelling, the radio, DVDs or CDs.

10. Music played by the driver must be of the cruddy or ethnic pop variety. No Beatles, Billy Joel or The Who shall be played.

11. All chants and songs in which children on the bus engage shall feature at least one (1) objectionable lyric.

12. The children must be at the designated pickup point at least five minutes before the scheduled time; the driver reserves the right to be as late as he damn well pleases, and there’s nothing you can do about it, so nyah, nyah.

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Written by Thag

September 21, 2011 at 3:58 pm

One Response

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  1. I drive a school bus part-time, this is hilarious!

    Neeks

    September 21, 2011 at 6:55 pm


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