Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

We’ll Misbehave, But Remember the Consequences Are Still Your Fault

with 2 comments

Family Trip Shenanigans Rotation and Timetable


Child Assigned


9:00-9:05 Two-year-old Lose shoe on way to car
9:05-9:10 Four-year-old Loudly, repeatedly insist on sitting in an unavailable seat
9:10-9:15 Seven-year-old Horse around instead of buckling up
9:15-9:20 Ten-year-old Blame parents for delayed departure
9:20-9:30 Two-year-old Pull four-year-old’s hair; pinch
9:30-9:45 Four-year-old Take two-year-old’s sippy cup; hit
9:45-10:00 Seven-year-old Find most inconvenient moment to express need to pee
10:00-10:20 Ten-year-old Pretend to dislike two-year-old’s taking his hat; keep encouraging the theft
10:20-10:40 Two-year-old Throw sippy cup at four-year old
10:40-11:00 Four-year-old Kick and push back of Mommy’s seat
11:00-11:05 Seven-year-old Request snacks known to be off-limits
11:05-11:30 Ten-year-old Make series of unreasonable demands; complain he never gets to do what he wants
11:30-11:45 Two-year-old Messy, leaky poop
11:45-12:00 Four-year-old Complain of residual poop odor
12:00-12:15 Seven-year-old Complain of motion sickness
12:15-12:30 Ten-year-old Annoy seven-year-old with “he’s on my side”
12:30-1:15 All Refuse to eat peanut butter sandwiches; insist on potato chips for lunch
1:15-2:00 All Series of spontaneous, ill-timed bathroom requests
2:00-2:45 Two-year-old Wake from nap in foulest possible mood
2:45-3:15 Four-year-old Refuse to visit destination if not carried by Daddy
3:15-4:00 Seven-year-old Keep wandering off without informing anyone
4:00-4:30 Ten-year-old Pester parents to let him use the new digital camera
4:30-4:45 Two-year-old Step in something awful; get it on Daddy’s clothes
4:45-5:15 Four-year-old Complain of hunger; refuse anything but junk food
5:15-5:45 Seven-year-old Whine about lack of plans for a barbecue
5:45-6:30 Ten-year-old Hold forth on why last year’s trip was so much better
6:30-7:00 Two-year-old Smear dinner in four-year-old’s hair
7:00-7:05 Four-year-old Protest plans to leave for home
7:05-7:10 Seven-year-old Insist on leaving right away
7:10-7:15 Ten-year-old Complain he didn’t get a chance to do anything fun
7:15-7:20 Two-year-old Initiate tiredness-related tantrum
7:20-7:25 Four-year-old Insist on leaving right away
7:25-7:30 Seven-year-old Protest plans to leave for home
7:30-7:35 Ten-year-old Pretend to help strapping the little ones in while actually doing everything possible to hinder, as if the extra few minutes in the parking lot actually means we got to spend more time at this attraction
7:35-7:45 Two-year-old Commence post-departure tantrum crescendo
7:45-8:00 Four-year-old Backup tantrum vocals
8:00-8:15 Seven-year-old Bathroom request
8:15-8:30 Ten-year-old Aver that it’s the parents’ fault the family didn’t have the best time in the world.

Written by Thag

September 11, 2011 at 10:58 pm

2 Responses

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  1. ROFL isn’t parenthood grand?


    September 12, 2011 at 12:26 am

    • The way they executed, they must have had several preparatory meetings and rehearsals, too.


      September 12, 2011 at 7:08 am

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