Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

For Sale: Stuff You Already Have

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Seriously, Pennzoil? Seriously?

I weep for our society if people feel compelled to buy actual rags.

In case your internet browser is showing signs of passive aggression, as mine did all morning, the link should lead you to a deal on a bag of rags for cleaning up spills. You know, the kind of worn-out pieces of clothing that absolutely everyone in the world has on hand, not counting the laughably rich. And if you’re laughably rich, you’re not buying rags to clean your own spills. You have the servants do the spilling for you anyway.

The scary thing is that the Pennzoil people are confident enough in the market to produce the stuff. I guess the only measure of consolation available lies in the fact that the site to which I linked specializes in retail inventory that didn’t sell as expected. Which only makes you wonder about the team at the Pennzoil corporation who had this brilliant idea.

Strategist 1: We’re running out of profit possibilities through technical innovation. How can we still generate profit?

Strategist 2: How about selling stuff no one would think of going out to buy, and pretending it’s the most natural, useful thing in the world to do?

Strategist 1: Hmm. Tell me more. You mean like White Castle hamburgers?

Strategist 2: Eww. Don’t be gross. I mean stuff people tend to have around the house anyway, such as leftover shoeboxes.

Strategist 1: Ahh, I see. Let’s give that some thought. How about dryer lint? Cat hairballs?

Strategist 2: Let’s brainstorm and make a list, then narrow it down to the most likely items. I’m kinda partial to unmatched socks.

So what’s next, Pennzoil? Flat tires? Used condoms? I’m not sure I want to know.

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Written by Thag

September 9, 2011 at 4:28 pm

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