Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

My Husband Is Important, So I Must Be Right

with one comment

Excuse me, mister, but that discipline you’re trying to accomplish with your son there? That’s abuse. I know it, because I follow a particular parenting guru whose words I do not question, and who says any yelling is abuse. Ask me about it sometime. I know you will, because that kind of intervention in the family affairs of a total stranger is a surefire way to get them to listen and open up.

Look, I’m not interested in whatever the dear boy did to prompt your reaction. I just know that whenever I see a parent get upset at a child, I see abuse. I resort straight to that term, because otherwise, who would listen? Consider what I accomplished in this case: you were yelling at your child, I saw and heard you yelling, I called it abuse, and you stopped yelling at your child and started yelling at me instead – chalk one up for me. Whatever ends up happening with your kids, mister, I don’t know, but at least at that one moment I made you think.

Granted, what I made you think was that I’m a presumptuous, judgmental, condescending buttinsky, but that’s what I do – I get people to relate to me and my view of the world, by whatever means necessary. Sometimes, as in your case, I pulled the I’m-the-wife-of-clergyman card, as if being married to someone who got an academic degree in religious literature somehow grants me greater insight into parenting that you, who has raised four kids. And when you retorted with your own religious/academic qualifications, I dismissed that with a wave of the hand and said you certainly weren’t behaving like a man with pastoral concerns. Before you could answer I got into a cab and sped away. I got in the last word! I win!

I know what happened afterwards: because I can size up a situation in an instant and determine right and wrong without benefit of knowing what led to it, and that ability came through clearly, you, once you calmed down, realized how right I was – remember I called you arrogant, which of course was exactly the right tone to take – and you embarked on an effort to reform your parenting style, maybe go to a family therapist – or, better yet, find the guru I invoked and follow him, even though when I said his name I was facing the other direction and walking quickly away from you, because I’m such an important and busy woman by virtue of my husband’s spiritual qualifications. When you finally perceived how right I was, you became grateful to the godsend who swooped out of nowhere, drew your attention to your biggest problem, and disappeared. You’re welcome.

And the next time you see a parent get angry, rush to yell at them. It’s the right thing to do. Because I married a clergyman.


Written by Thag

September 4, 2011 at 8:45 am

One Response

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  1. Sometimes people lose control because they are so stressed, or unsupported, or whatever. And yelling happens. I don’t think it happens often though.


    September 4, 2011 at 10:55 am

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