Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Christopher Columbus’s Twitter Feed

with 2 comments

Oh, baby. I can’t believe they bought it! #wealth here I come! Long Live the King and Queen!

Anyone know where you can get a decent navigator around here? Crazy Juan’s closed last month. Plague.

Think I should make potential crewmen submit to a physical? Please answer: how many arms do you have…

Gotta remember the jerky. Gotta remember the jerky. Gotta remember the jerky.

You’d think after all the Jews were expelled you wouldn’t be running into them right and left. Some Inquisition*this* turned out to be.

When I get to India, I’m trading Pedro the cook to the natives for someone who can cook. #indigestion

Some guy just said something about the world being flat. Doesn’t he know the Greeks already knew it was round?

And away we go! Sail the ocean blue! On to India!

Oh, %$#@. Forgot the jerky.

Four days out. Not much to report. Canary Islands haven’t sunk yet.

Pedro scored some really fatty mutton while we were loading supplies in the Islands. Maybe we’ll keep him.

Remember that comment about the Jews? I should have said right *to* left. Get it?

Oh, Jesus I’m so bored. Need a volunteer to fall overboard so we can have some excitement.

Wonder how Real Madrid is doing, considering they won’t be established for another five centuries or so.

Burned again. Really must stop sunbathing in the altogether.

With all this talk of mutiny, there’s no one to do the cooking. Plenty of brine for pickling, though.

Land! Land! And it looks fabulous for growing tobacco! Whatever *that* is. This is supposed to be India.

I have an idea: we’ll just ignore the fact that this isn’t India and call it India. Also, let’s spread smallpox.

Smallpox for syphilis: a fair deal?

Goddamn Indians. Not an ounce of chicken curry in sight. #gypped

Farewell, Santa MarĂ­a. *Sigh*. Only foosball table in the fleet.

Well, must be getting home. These Indians don’t take too well to being outgunned and treated with contempt.

What are all these sores?

Written by Thag

August 30, 2011 at 9:06 pm

2 Responses

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  1. Might be your greatest piece of writing on the net..

    Imran Khan

    December 2, 2011 at 11:50 am

    • Let’s not exaggerate.

      OK, fine, let’s.


      December 2, 2011 at 2:40 pm

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