Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

How to Jump on Mom and Dad’s Bed

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1. Jumping on Mom and Dad’s bed may only be done when Mom and Dad are not in the room.

2. If Mom or Dad is in the room, jumping may only be done in such a way that it looks like falling.

3. Accusations of bed-jumping shall be met only with flat denials.

4. When presented with incontrovertible evidence that kids have been jumping on Mom and Dad’s bed, the only acceptable reaction is evasive expressions of ignorance.

5. It doesn’t really count as jumping on the bed if your body just sort of bounces without an actual space created between your body and the bed.

6. Any injuries sustained in the course of jumping on Mom and Dad’s bed shall be embellished sufficiently to forestall scolding for the manner in which the injuries occurred.

7. Holding stuffed animals or figures and jumping with them means the animals or figures are doing the jumping, so it’s OK.

8. Covers or blankets between the bottom sheet and the jumping child means the jumping occurs not on the bed per se, but on the cover or blanket, and is therefore OK.

9. Under no circumstances may a child graciously accept admonishment not to jump on Mom and Dad’s bed; any such rebuke is to be met with, at minimum, a bitter retort of “Fine!”

10. Pillow fights on Mom and Dad’s bed do not count as jumping on the bed, as any jumping that takes place occurs only as a side effect of conducting the pillow fight and not as jumping qua jumping.

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Written by Thag

August 17, 2011 at 10:23 pm

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