Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

How to Blog Like a Clueless Loser (a Firsthand Account)

with 4 comments

1. Start day by pretending to research ideas for a post by reading news, chatting online and playing games.

2. Find inspiration in something completely unrelated to the research.

3. Sit before empty screen trying to figure out how to translate the idea into a compelling blog post.

4. Reject idea; repeat steps 2, 3 and 4 as necessary.

5. Fend off criticism from spouse regarding lack of attention to entities and tasks other than the computer.

6. Use exchange with spouse as fodder for blog post.

7. Rewrite post twice upon realizing how lame it turned out.

8. Repeat step 7 as necessary.

9. Pronounce post done; alert spouse of imminent availability.

10. Spend disproportionate amount of time assigning tags and title.

11. Finally publish post.

12. Share post on relevant social media.

13. Every free moment or every ninety-five seconds, whichever is more frequent, check visitor statistics.

14. Immediately following every check of statistics, swear under breath at cruelty and ignorance of random strangers unaware that they were meant to flock to blog in droves.

15. Argue with spouse over alleged addiction to computer.

16. Every two or three futile checks of statistics, rail at Higher Power of choice; challenge fairness of universe; bargain with Higher Power for lucrative traffic levels; rediscover own puniness in grand scheme of things.

17. Resolve to really knock ’em dead next time.

18. Find spouse already asleep for the night.

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Written by Thag

August 3, 2011 at 12:02 pm

4 Responses

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  1. Ahhh yes, the wonderful world of blogging. It is enough to write poetry about: http://wp.me/p1Cvgh-4G

    The Hobbler

    August 3, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    • You’d think in more than a year of doing this every day I might get a clue. I guess I’ve gotten comfortable being rejected by the world. It’s familiar, like the daily bullying in junior high that I miss so much. OK, not so much.

      Thag

      August 3, 2011 at 12:22 pm

      • That’s funny. At least when you are rejected here, you can pretend it didn’t happen easier than when you are in Junior High. Besides, rejection can be great writing material right?

        The Hobbler

        August 3, 2011 at 12:27 pm

        • Rejection is my middle name. No, wait, I thought that was Klutz. Or maybe I’m up to Sieve-Brain. I forget. What year is it?

          On a less snarky note, I wouldn’t erase those awkward years; they’re part of what made me who I am. They gave me perspective on the relatively painless life I’ve lived since then. And yes, it has been fodder for posts on more than one occasion: see, for example http://wp.me/pSXPz-bO

          Thag

          August 3, 2011 at 12:32 pm


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