Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Can You Forget to Deliver a Package for Me?

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Is anyone here traveling to NY in the next month, or know somebody who is? I need someone to forget to deliver a package for me.

I’d do the forgetting myself, but I can’t afford to take a plane trip right now, and I can’t just do the forgetting from here. It’s got to be done in person to be effective. So I hope someone can take the package there for me and then get caught up in doing other things until it’s too late. It shouldn’t be too much trouble; people do it all the time. Just last week my kids both forgot to bring home their hats from day camp. This isn’t all that different.

I’m not even particular about what activities divert attention from the delivery. You don’t have to worry about getting distracted by anything specific; the choice of diversion is completely up to you. If you’re a baseball fan, you can work to get yourself some tickets to a game, and think about maybe dropping off the package on the way, since it’s convenient – but then traffic gets bad, or you get a late start, and it has to wait, and in the meantime you end up skipping the dropoff. If you’re really efficient about it you can even forget the package at the stadium, but only if you’re into that.

There’s also the option of carelessly leaving it lying about in a public place where some lowlife can walk off with it. You just have to leave it for a little while to go to the bathroom, or buy a quick latte, and then notice it’s gone. If you’d like a list of prime places to leave it, I can give you one, but any airport lounge or train station waiting area should do it. Subway platforms work, too.

Of course you always have the choice of keeping it with you the whole time and returning here with it. You’d then need to decide whether you ever removed it from your luggage in the first place or didn’t think about it until you were already getting ready for the trip back. Either way, that’s what I’m looking for: you forget to deliver the thing. It makes no difference to me if it sat in your suitcase the whole time or somewhere out-of-the-way such as behind a chair, or under a pile of laundry.

If it’s easier for you I can try to arrange for the intended recipient to forget to come and get the package from you, but I can’t guarantee anything. You’re best off taking care of it yourself. Pack your schedule with activities and traveling all over the tri-state area, taking care to make no trips anywhere near the vicinity of the package recipient’s home or office so you never have to think about it. I can withhold your phone number or contact information from the recipient if you’d like, so there’s no way you’ll receive any reminders. I’m here to hinder in any way I can.

I’d send it by mail, but that requires getting to a post office, which I never remember to do in the first place, so the forgetting happens at the wrong time. And things don’t get lost in the mail as frequently as they used to, so I can’t rely on the incompetence of the postal service to achieve the failure I’m aiming for.

Oh, you do know someone? What do you mean, you forgot their name?

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Written by Thag

July 29, 2011 at 11:03 am

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