Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Extra! Extra! Read All About These Tired Slogans!

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Right now, for a limited time only, you can get your hands on these advertising clichés with NO MONEY DOWN! That’s right! No money down on these proven hits! With our rock-bottom prices on hackneyed advertising copy, you won’t find a better deal anywhere else!

Why settle for less when you can have the best? Act now, and these overused phrases can be yours at prices so low, we’re not allowed to reveal them in this ad! And if you order now, we’ll also include a set of spare exclamation points! Use them in text messages! Use them in e-mails! Use them to indicate swear words! The sky’s the limit – if you call now!

We all know there’s nothing like a good cliché. When the chips are down and the whole enchilada is on the line, you want phrases with an unmatched track record. You want words that have been there, done that and bought the T-shirt. You want locution that gets right to the heart of your message using language so trite that no one is surprised to read or hear it. In other words, you want to buy these clichés RIGHT NOW. So what are you waiting for?

This great deal won’t last forever. And to make sure your heart’s in it, for the first two hundred callers we’ll also throw in images of streamers, balloons and some fictitious room full of operators just waiting to take your call – operators uttering such phrases as “how may I help you?” and “will that be all, sir?” With those images, you’ll have no trouble at all putting together your own hold music – and this package includes the sought-after platitude “your call is important to us”! Think of what you can accomplish with the tired phrases, the exclamation points and the disclaimers recited at breakneck speed in the last few seconds of the ad!

But wait…there’s more. If you’re one of the first thirty callers, we’ll also give you this book full of quotation marks that you can apply to phrases of your own, and give them the mystique that only quotation marks can provide! Turn words into “words” in a flash! Confuse literate people with your “use” of “terms”! Cast doubt on your intelligence by making your printed slogan look ironic or sarcastic! Nothing tells your customers you might not care about them quite like “We care about our customers” with the visual equivalent of “air quotes”! And it all comes with a thirty-day, MONEY-BACK GUARANTEE!

So what are you waiting for?! Call now and get the cliché package and the exclamation points – at low, low prices! And if you’re one of the first two hundred callers, we’ll give you the stock imagery of attractive, overdressed operators busily answering phones! If you act quickly enough, you can be one of the lucky thirty who walk away with “handy” quotation marks! Get up and call now! Our operators are standing by!

(Void where prohibited. Limit one per customer. Offer expires 01/01/11. This promotion may not be combined with any other promotion. Employees of Mightier Than The Pen and their families are not eligible for this offer. Domestic US shipping only. Please allow four to six weeks for delivery. Price does not include shipping and handling. Tax, title and registration extra. Offer valid only while supplies last. Batteries not included. Each sold separately. All part of a complete breakfast. Paid for by Tim Pawlenty for President. Writers’ opinions are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Mightier Than The Pen. There will be no green M&Ms anywhere backstage. The presence of green M&Ms will result in the cancellation of this contract. © 2011.  All rights reserved.)

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Written by Thag

June 21, 2011 at 3:14 pm

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