Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Room Service, Please Send Up Two Political Scandals

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Dear Sofitel management:

I recently stayed at your Midtown Manhattan location. While in general the service and accommodations were to my liking, one unpleasant experience has prompted me to write. I hope that by bringing it to your attention I will help you maintain the fine hospitality reputation you otherwise fully deserve.

On Saturday, May 14, not long after noon, I requested some room service, and the hotel dutifully sent a staff member with the items I had ordered. When she arrived, I was clad merely in a towel. In itself, that means little, as hotel staff must be accustomed to encountering guests in all states of undress, owing to the nature of their work. However, this staff member proved most obtuse, completely misinterpreting my lack of attire. I would think that a hotel as sophisticated as yours would employ staff well acquainted with such niceties, but I shall grant you the benefit of the doubt and simply assume there was no opportunity to ascertain this woman’s manifest unsuitability in this respect.

In case I need to spell out what happened, I was forced to lock the door when the maid in question refused to take the not-so-subtle hint that my towel provided, and attempted to leave the premises without so much as acknowledging the overture. Perhaps things are different in New York, but as a Frenchman, I have become accustomed to much more felicitous treatment by women in subordinate positions. In the end, it took brute force to elicit the woman’s cooperation, and even then she only provided it grudgingly.

I need not emphasize to you the serious breach of professional courtesy, not to mention class sensibilities, that this episode represents. As director of the International Monetary Fund and the leading candidate for the presidency of France, I have traveled extensively and become familiar with all manner of hospitality and human relations. In vanishingly few contexts have I met with such utter disregard for the satisfaction of my physical urges. One of the principal reasons for selecting luxury accommodations is the unparalleled attention to physical comforts that such exclusive establishments can provide. In fact even outside the hospitality industry, I have met with little resistance to fulfilling those needs, most notably at the International Monetary Fund itself, where women employees know their place.

Again, I do not accuse Sofitel of malfeasance, or of ill intent. I merely wish to bring the matter of this staff member’s uncooperative demeanor to your attention so that other guests will not suffer as I did the indignity of having to rape a woman to get some action.

Yours truly,
Dominique Strauss-Kahn

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Written by Thag

June 9, 2011 at 3:25 pm

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