Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Oh, and the Dean of Students Is Just a Guy Named “Dean”

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My previous post afforded y’all a sneak peak at the fictional educational establishment I intend to open. The thundering hordes of interested students – who exist in the same dimension as the school itself, which is to say, not this one – are clamoring for more offerings. Next time, I should consider charging tuition.

You will notice, of course, the complete absence of business courses, which serves to explain why that idea didn’t occur to me earlier. There is, of course, an Economics department, but that’s about as connected to business as Physics is related to study of the paranormal: an incidental set of principles that don’t really inform the subject at hand.

I could of course introduce a line of courses in the study of the paranormal, but we’re all better off if I open a Religion department. Comparative religion, for example, would take a good hard look at Christmas vs. Hanukkah gifts, and whether Christianity features anything wrongly hyped in quite the same way as the game of dreidel. It would then move on to an anthropological look at why you idiots keep taking flagrantly metaphorical Biblical passages literally, as compared with passages of sacred texts that other religions tend to misinterpret. Should be great fun, up until the moment someone brings a gun to class.

I almost considered offering courses in Drama, but you prima donnas don’t need any more encouragement. Bunch of self-centered whiners is what you are. That last thing you need is further training in commanding the center of attention. Hey! I’m the one speaking here! Stop focusing on yourself!

And we haven’t even mentioned the tricky subject of faculty. That’s easy. We just need to recruit a sufficient number of dynamic, charismatic, knowledgeable, reputable, qualified educational professionals, and do so at a major discount without compromising quality. You will of course notice that such people willing to work for a pittance exist only in some fantasy world, which is pretty conveniently located.

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Written by Thag

May 22, 2011 at 4:05 pm

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