Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

One of These Days I’ll Go Back to Finish My Degree in Racial Profiling

with 2 comments

THAG UNIVERSITY – SCHOOL OF  DISCONTINUING EDUCATION
2011-2012 Course Catalog

ANTHROPOLOGY
101  Why It’s Never OK to Make Fun of Other Groups, No Matter How Stupid Their Practices Are
102  But If You Couch Your Mockery in Scholarly Terms You Might Get Away with It
103  So Give It a Shot and See Whether the Professor Notices

ART
101  Pornography Disguised as Highbrow Aesthetics
102  Cutting Away What Doesn’t Look Like an Elephant
201  The Difference Between Your Doodling and Jackson Pollock’s Doodling, as Measured in Cash
301  Sculpture: Moving Beyond Play Doh
401  Conceptual Art: Moving Back to Play Doh

BIOLOGY
101  You’re Not Actually Made of Dust, Despite What you Learned in Sunday School
101  Staring Really Closely at Your Hand Will Not Give You the Same Results as a Microscope
102  The Theory of Evolution and Other Threats to Morality
102  Lab: How Not to Maim Yourself with a Scalpel During Dissections, You Goddamn Oaf
201  Horrible Diseases with Really Cool Names
201  Fungi: They’re Not Just for Breakfast Anymore. Some of Them Can Get You Quite High.
301  Medical Ethics and Other Old-Fashioned Ideas

CHEMISTRY
101  Repeat After Me: Noo-Clee-Ar, not Noo-Cyu-Lar
101  Atoms Are Far Too Small to See No Matter How Much Weed You Smoke
101  No, You Will Not Be Learning How to Make an Atomic Bomb This Year
102  The Periodic Table Is Not for Tracking Your Menstrual Cycle
201  Organic Chemistry, Using Only Naturally Synthesized Compounds
301  Love Potion Number Nine

COMPUTER SCIENCE
101  C, C++, and Other Predetermined Course Grades
101  Data: Is That Singular or Plural?
102  COBOL Was that Bad Robot, Wasn’t He?
201  Indiscreet Structures (by Registrar Approval Only)
202  Illogical Structures
301  The Blue Screen of Death
404  Not Found

ECONOMICS
101  Basic Principles that Only Hold True in the Classroom
201  Economics Is Hard, Doggone It
301  You Will Be the Only Person Registered for a High-Level Economics Course

ENGLISH
101  Insulting Others with Fancy Vocabulary
101  Incorporating Sexual Innuendo into Any Context
102  Books Your Parents and Teachers Would Be Horrified to Know You Have Read
102  The Art of Critical Analysis Without Cracking Open a Single Book
201  Shakespearean Scatology
201  Mocking Victorian Prudishness
202  The Complete Irrelevance of Chaucer

HISTORY
101  Western Civilization I: What Makes Whites Awesome
101  Western Civilization II: What Makes Whites Even More Awesome
102  US History I: 1770-1860 – What Makes These Particular Whites Even More Awesome than European Whites
102  US History II:  1860-present – We Are So Awesome, We Even Made Our Blacks Awesome
201  History of New York City: The City You Love to Hate to Love, Knowuddamean?
202  Early Modern Europe: In-depth White Navel-Gazing
203  Modern Europe I: Imperialism Just Made Sense, Considering How Awesome We Were
204  Modern Europe II: Failing to Explain Why So Many of Us Thought Nazism Was a Good Idea
301  Chinese History I: Basic Mangling of Mandarin Pronunciation
302  Chinese History II: From Cheap Plastic Toys to Everything You Will Ever Own
301  Japanese History I: Ignoring Everything until the Samurai, Because They Were Pretty Awesome, Too
302  Japanese History II: The Awesomeness Evaporated When They Bombed Pearl Harbor

MATHEMATICS
101  Didn’t You Learn to Count Years Ago?
102  The Theory of Numbers: Why We Need So Many
101 Statistics for Idiots: Just Input the Following Data into SPSS and Print the Results
201  Calculus Is Just a Big Word for Nerd Stuff
202  Those Big Curvy “Integral” Symbols and How to Use Them as Kitchen Implements
301  Become a Big Exponent of Misapplied Mathematical Terminology

MUSIC
101  Do, Re, Mi and Other Staples of Scrabble
102  The Three B’s: Your Course Average
201  Arrhythmic Training: Make Your Heart Skip a Beat
202  The Structure of the Sonata and Other Hyundai Products

PHYSICS
101  Newtonian Physics: Why You Can’t Get Up in the Morning
102  Planetary Motion and Other Dorky Dances by Johann Kepler
201  Electricity and Magnetism in a Non-Dating Context
301  Biophysics: This Is Why You’re Fat

PSYCHOLOGY
101  All About Freud
102  Why Freud Was All Wrong
201  Non-Freudian Nonsense
202  Maybe Freud Knew a Thing Or Two
301  We’ll Get back to You on the Freud Thong – Thing! I Meant Thing!

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Written by Thag

May 19, 2011 at 10:23 pm

2 Responses

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  1. This is great…and I offer no additions. And that is hard to do this with my “self-centered” brain. A Narcissism course would not be necessary unless you need an instructor too.


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