Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Inbound, We Have a Delay at the Coffee Machine…

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Good morning, this is Eric Mortensen with the traffic report for the Polinsky residence, brought to you by Sherwin-Williams paints.

Access to the second-floor bathroom remains spotty with delays of ten-to-fifteen minutes as each of the four children attend to their morning hygienic routines. Outbound along the same route we have delays resulting from an overturned laundry basket, creating a bottleneck in the upstairs hallway. Mrs. Polinsky is on the scene, and cleanup efforts are underway, but expect at least a ten minute delay downstairs as the scolding and repeated admonitions to put stuff away continue.

The kitchen-bound hallway is also backed up as Mr. Polinsky meanders through it looking through the morning paper on his way to get some coffee. This morning’s shuffle through the hallway is taking a bit longer than usual because the Pirates actually won three games in a row, and Mr. Polinsky is stunned by the developments. We recommend taking an alternative route, possibly even going out the front door and in through the side entrance to the kitchen, to avoid further delays when Mr. Polinsky remembers that he forgot to bring in the mail. Today, a bunch of bills are expected to arrive, so steer clear of Mr. Polinsky until he has had at least two cups of his morning Joe.

The wait at the toaster is up to eight minutes now, after Mrs. Polinsky had to run upstairs to deal with the laundry mess we told you about. That made the English muffins burn, and she’ll have to put another set in the toaster for Mr. Polinsky in order for him to get out to his train on time. You’re best off focusing on getting juice or cereal instead this morning, but be aware that heavy delays at the refrigerator are a distinct possibility today, since three out of the four Polinsky kids are taking a bag lunch to school today, and didn’t bother to prepare anything last night. You’ll want to steer clear of the kitchen when Mrs. Polinsky returns and begins reacting to these developments, which could generate another five-minute delay for anyone who arrives after that point.

The same three kids have some after-school programs scheduled for today, which means they need bus fare or other arrangements for getting home, so expect Mrs. Polinsky to keep them at the door reminding them repeatedly of all those details. It shouldn’t take more than a minute or two for each kid, but be advised that those last-minute goodbyes sometimes stretch out. And we’d like to remind our listeners that today is a special alert day, with a birthday party this afternoon at 4 for the youngest. If you must enter the Polinsky residence this afternoon, arrive on foot, use the side entrance and avoid the kitchen if at all possible. This is Eric Mortensen. Back to Jess and Mark in the studio.

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Written by Thag

May 7, 2011 at 10:41 pm

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