Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

I’ll Have My Attorneys Call Yours About Asking You Out

with 2 comments

WHEREAS George L. Lucas has noticed that Emily B. Smith is in the same American History class as he; and

WHEREAS Mr. Lucas has noticed the charming way Ms. Smith holds a strand or two of hair in her mouth as she thinks; and

WHEREAS Mr. Lucas is far too shy to express his attraction directly to Ms. Smith; and

WHEREAS Ms. Smith has beautifully smooth, dark hair and freckles; and

WHEREAS Mr. Lucas is a sucker for freckles; and

WHEREAS Mr. Lucas harbors a fear of rejection that prevents him from attempting even to initiate acquaintance with Ms. Smith; and

WHEREAS Mr. Lucas doubts that Ms. Smith, in her loveliness, would even notice a dweeb such as he; and

WHEREAS this morning Ms. Smith sat across from Mr. Lucas at lunch in the cafeteria; and

WHEREAS Ms. Smith’s presence made Mr. Lucas’s pulse race and his palms sweat; and

WHEREAS Mr. Lucas simply lacks the resolve to act on his manifest desire for social connection with Ms. Smith:

RESOLVED: that Mr. Lucas might think about asking Jerry Thomas, who seems to be able to talk to interact with girls without devolving into a drooling, grunting cretin, to ask Tricia Baker, who sits next to Ms. Smith in Math class, whether she might consider, you know, hypothetically, getting to know Mr. Lucas, or maybe just saying hello.


Written by Thag

May 2, 2011 at 2:42 pm

2 Responses

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  1. lol if only…

    The man dating your daughter.

    May 2, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    • Y’know, if I’d asked my lawyer dad for this kind of help back in junior high, would my social fate have changed? I dunno. Considering the way HE looked at that age…


      May 2, 2011 at 3:07 pm

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