Mightier Than The Pen

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Passed Your Road Test? Here’s Your Flamethrower

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Driver’s Ed vs. Actual Driving

What they taught you in driver’s ed

How you drove for about a day and a half following the test

The way you actually drive now

Keep your hands in the 10:00 and 2:00 positions. Hold the steering wheel any which way you feel comfortable. Grip the steering wheel with the pinky and ring fingers of your left hand, using the other fingers of your left hand to hold your mobile device and text with it; use your right hand to adjust the car stereo, A/C, etc.
Come to a complete stop at a stop sign. Slow to a crawl at a stop sign, making sure no one else is coming from the other streets, and proceed. Reduce your speed a token amount, but barrel through the intersection if you could see it was clear from way back.
Do not put the car in gear until everyone is safely strapped in. Fasten your seatbelt as soon as you get onto the main road, or when you see a cop. Seatbelts are for people who aren’t confident enough in their driving ability.
Parallel parking must be accomplished in one smooth motion, without touching the curb or other cars. Parallel parking can be achieved any old way, as long as the car isn’t sticking out into the street or up on the sidewalk too egregiously, and contact with other cars is minimal. They’re called “bumpers” for a reason, dude.
If the traffic signal turns yellow as you approach it, stop. If the traffic signal turns yellow and you can probably make it through before the red at your current speed, go ahead. If the traffic signal turns yellow, speed up to get through before it turns red. Even if it does, the drivers from the other directions won’t start moving right away anyway, so you can even go through the first few seconds of red.
Scan the rear view and side mirrors every few seconds to monitor the changing conditions around you. Use the mirrors primarily for changing lanes or reversing, but occasionally to check out whether someone is following you, or if kids are misbehaving back there. You don’t need mirrors at all. Just turn around to see things for yourself. If you’re backing up, make sure to put your right arm behind the head rest of the passenger seat.
Pedestrians at crosswalks have the right of way. Pedestrians who manage to make eye contact with you at crosswalks might be allowed safe passage. Pedestrians should jaywalk like real men.
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Written by Thag

April 27, 2011 at 7:39 pm

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