Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Mightier Than the Pen Is Mightier Than the Recursion Is…

with 4 comments

Once more, the increasingly desperate Mightier than the Pen invites outside morons to contribute to its rapidly depleting arsenal of wit. In today’s edition, we shall explore what happens when one takes the title of a well-known literary work and uses its final word or words to overlap with a familiar phrase. Then one provides the revised premise or plot. A couple of provisos: the word that overlaps must be identical in the title and phrase; no added apostrophes or plural forms where the word does not appear thus in the title. If this explanation is too complex for you, we invite you to avail yourself of the myriad word-find puzzles available at the nearest supermarket checkout lane.

Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator Music: It’s no wonder that Willy fellow went a little wonky.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Seconds: I think we have a labeling problem, sir. Is this supposed to be called Fudge Nipple?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire at Will: It’s no secret that Will sides with Snape on this one.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, AZ: The better to stay out of the way of he-who-must-not-be-allowed-into-the-retirement-community.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone Temple Pilots: I don’t know about you, but I always preferred the Weird Sisters anyway.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince and the Pauper: Voldemort’s minions summon their lord by pressing the Dark Mark Twain.

Charlotte’s Web 2.0: At the click of a mouse, you can…hey, why is my trackball sticking?

Stuart Little Women: Jeez, talk about a cheesy novel of mousy little characters.

Tom Thumb a Ride: Considering how dangerously difficult it is for drivers to see even regular-sized humans at the side of the road, this looks like it will be one, uh, short story.

Oliver Twist ‘n’ Shout: In which our hero, Ferris Bueller, insinuates his way into a funeral procession and dances atop the coffin in a rousing series of classical numbers.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being John Malkovich: In the end, Nietzsche was right, and it’s worse than you think: the infinitely recurring cycle of existence resets every fifteen minutes. Then it leaves you in a ditch along the New Jersey Turnpike.

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe Malfunction: Okay, so the White Witch isn’t exactly a good allegory for Janet Jackson, but hey, if you scratch deep enough you’ll uncover some Biblical motifs, including punishment in the Timberlake of Fire.

The Grapes of Wrath of Khan: Set phasers on Boring, men!

Twelfth Night of the Living Dead: In which the iambic pentameter uses the actual disembodied legs of the characters.

A Midsummer Night’s Dream the Impossible Dream: What the Puck was Cervantes thinking?

The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire Chicken: What, you expect a man named Gibbon to write about humans?

James and the Giant Peach Fuzz: Giant, English-speaking insects. Cloud-people. Fruit transported by seagull. Are we sure this is appropriate for such an immature audience?

The Old Man and the Sea Sickness: That just about describes most people’s experience on cruises off the coast of Cuba, yes.

The Pearl Onion: What happens to root vegetables when they seek status beyond their station in the lowest refrigerator drawer?

War and Peace Process: Wait, which Nobel Prize are we discussing here?

The Turn of the Screw You: Henry James settles the literary debate by making this one explicitly about a poltergeist.

The Princess and the Pea Shooter: If you want to prove yourself worthy of marriage to this  prince, you’d better have good aim.

Sleeping Beauty Is Only Skin Deep: Just about summing up every Disney princess ever imagined.

Through the Looking Glass Menagerie: I always thought Tennessee Williams ate a few too many magic mushrooms…

The Princess Bride of Frankenstein: You dismembered my father-in-law. Prepare to die.

The Idiot Proof:  The better the human, the more people will screw him over. QED.

Twelve Angry Men in Tights: Well, wouldn’t YOU be?

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Written by Thag

April 24, 2011 at 5:12 pm

4 Responses

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  1. The Norton Anthology of Poetry in Motion:
    A recalcitrant tenth grader finally receives his comeuppance.

    David Shaffer

    April 26, 2011 at 6:53 am

  2. The Story of Doctor Dolittle Raid: These animals won’t stop talking – let’s firebomb them!

    Thag

    April 26, 2011 at 8:46 am

  3. Portnoy’s Complaint Department: What seems to be the problem with your Jewish identity, sir?

    Thag

    April 26, 2011 at 8:58 am

  4. Call It Sleep with the Fishes: This is the last time you try to muscle in on my Dad’s milk delivery gig, see?

    Thag

    April 26, 2011 at 11:18 am


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