Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

I’d Post more Often, but There’s Too Much Barf Here

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I should apologize. I know that the (consults fingers of one hand, counting silently) several of you screaming, diehard fans of this blog have been positively apopleptic with bewildered rage at my seeming disappearance from the online realm. Fear not, dear idiots, for I had noble and good reasons for taking a well-deserved break. I didn’t use them, though; I just vegged out with a few good books and had the same tired old arguments with my wife and kids.

This might not suit the more demanding reader, I know. Sometimes one gets so attached to, so dependent on, a source of mirth that one cannot fathom functioning in its absence. To which I say: get a grip, loser. You view this blog as a source of mirth? Good grief. Someone needs to call a humor detector repair dude, and pronto. Mirth, indeed. Sounds like a Teutonic god of bad breath or something (little known historical fact I just made up: Richard Wagner had such halitosis that he was known as the Teutonic god of bad breath).

I do suppose a bit of updating is in order, in light of the lack of new posts in recent days. Or at least such updating would be in order if there were anything new to report. But after a brief foray into the bowels of the news media (it’s dark in there), I can safely say that little has changed: the Mets suck, Libya is a steaming pile of unrest, the US State Department favors a tougher stance toward Israel, Donald Trump is a blithering egomaniac, and the emerging roster of 2012 Republican presidential candidates looks about as inspiring as a bowl of spoiled banana pudding.

The things that have¬†changed are not likely to garner notice, nor are they likely to be worth noticing: we managed to keep the house clean for almost two hours the other day, a new record; our middle son exhibited his ability to use a barf bag properly today (as well as to prompt his older brother to offer to show the contents to everyone); and we ‘re running out of the hard-to-find laundry detergent that we favor. These are the momentous tidings you have been lacking.

I would promise to reestablish my pattern of daily posts, but nobody likes empty threats. So you’ll have to settle for the few bones I throw your way. My aim is terrible, you should know; I’m more likely to hit that old lady over there, and she’ll probably blame you, so be prepared.

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Written by Thag

April 21, 2011 at 10:20 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with , , , ,

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