Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

But It’s Only Wrong If You See Me Do It, Right?

with 3 comments

I have this tidbit of astounding news, dear child, and it may shock you, so prepare yourself. This might just change the way you view everything.

The rules your parents set apply even when they are not looking.

I realize this statement flies in the face of your behavior for the last several years. In fact you had reached the point that not only were you disregarding the rules when you thought they weren’t paying attention; you even began to test whether the rules applied while they were looking. Well, those days are over. You can adopt this new perspective now.

It may take some getting used to, as do most earth-shattering revelations. Recall, if you will, the acclimation period when you first discovered that your parents could magically tell when you had actually showered, and when you had merely spent time in the bathroom making faces in the mirror for half an hour. After the initial disbelief wore off, you quickly adapted to the fact that it’s much easier to just shower, as you were told to do, than to evade that task.

Or when you had to confront the fact that your parents and teachers possess the capacity to communicate with each other, thus rendering awareness of your classroom shenanigans accessible to Mom and Dad. You shaped up in a hurry. The current reassessment of circumstances calls for a similar response.

As a corollary to this novel (to you, at least) principle, you should know that if you feel you must whisper something to keep Mom or Dad from hearing, that something should be left unsaid. This holds doubly when what you wish to communicate to your little brother is a suggestion for him to engage in some misbehavior that you know better than to do yourself, but hey, at least you can get the vicarious pleasure of having him engage in it. Not so. You will, in fact, face the consequences of making that suggestion, whether you intended the escapade vicariously, or as a crafty way of getting a rival sibling in trouble.

I am sorry to inform you that this means making clever comments about your little brother’s burping at the dinner table is out of the question. The same obtains vis-à-vis an under-the-table tickle attack from a sibling who has been instructed to remain seated and finish eating, as well as trying to engage said sibling in conversation or play while he has yet to complete his homework.

So go forth, young man, and behave. It doesn’t matter, really, whether Big Brother is watching.

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Written by Thag

April 9, 2011 at 9:10 pm

3 Responses

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  1. Great post. Although, it made me recall what a rotten kid I must’ve been. I think that was one of my golden rules, if mom’s not looking…

    • …and even if she is, maybe it’s worth it.

      Thag

      April 9, 2011 at 9:47 pm

  2. Sometimes I just make faces in the mirror instead of showering. My wife can’t seem to tell the difference. 😉

    Jeff Silvey

    April 9, 2011 at 10:14 pm


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