Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Jon, You Head Up the Committee on Throwing Food

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OK, listen up: Mom and Dad are asleep, but we don’t have much time before one of them stirs. Dad’s been sleeping fitfully lately, and we get much of the credit for that, but that also means we have to be extra careful now.

The first item on our agenda is the laundry. It’s gratifying to see the chaos that reigns in that department ever since we destroyed the hamper. Mom basically said we have to live with the consequences, but it clearly bothers her and Dad more than it bothers us, so score one for us. But we need to be more diligent about putting away clean laundry: we must do a better job of taking the folded items from Dad and dumping them on our beds instead of putting them away. Ernie, you’ve been very good about that from the get-go, but the rest of us must step up, or we will be seen as worthy of greater responsibility, and that’s obviously the last thing we want. It would just mean more work.

As far as books are concerned, we need to show more consistency in leaving them out after use. It’s one thing to take books back upstairs once Grandma has finished reading them to us; it’s another to actually put them back on the shelves. It’s been a whole week since any of us has been yelled at for leaving books on the floor. This has got to change.

I’m happy to report that the toys all over the floor in the other bedroom have remained undisturbed for a good couple of weeks, but that might change as spring cleaning approaches. As the older of us know, this is a dangerous time of year. Sometimes we might have no choice but to cooperate with Mom and Dad’s irrational compulsion to maintain some semblance of organization – for all the good it does them – if only to get things over with more quickly and resume our own affairs. At the very least, try to keep some dirty laundry under your bed, preferably individual socks whose pair will thus be rendered useless.

When it comes to bathroom use, we all get high marks – and I don’t just mean where Ernie and I have managed to get with our pee. Jon, you’ve gotten very good at attacking any and every item within your reach, including toilet paper, shower drain covers, bath toys, you name it. I especially approve of your creative choices in items to dump into the toilet. While it is true that some of our success in this arena can be attributed to the deformed doorway that doesn’t allow the door to close all the way, in the end we can claim credit for engineering that, as well: it would never have warped without all the bathtub splashing.

That splashing has tapered off somewhat in recent months. Not that such a statistic by itself reflects anything worrisome, but be advised that the shortfall in that area must be compensated for elsewhere – and smearing toothpaste onto the vanity directly from the various tubes is certainly one way to achieve that, so I’d like to acknowledge that achievement.

In the kitchen, the stepstool can be put to better and more frequent use. While it’s excellent for gaining access to dangerous or delicate items on countertops and the table, we can use some improvement when it comes to fighting over it while Dad cooks – we haven’t had a good whiny, pushing argument in at least a month. When Dad makes pancakes next and more than one of us wants to watch, please make sure to jockey for position. Also, our stats on standing improperly on the stool so that it flips over are miserable – only Ernie has consistently performed, and he only gets partial credit because the injuries were all minor.

Dang. Dad’s stirring. Go back to sleep; we’ll resume tomorrow night, same time.

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Written by Thag

March 21, 2011 at 9:31 pm

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