Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Come in, Little Spam Bot, and Make Yourself Comfortable

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Fear not, dear link spammers, I have not abandoned this blog.

You might have thought so, of course, since I haven’t posted in several days, which of course is unusual. I try to give your industrious spam bots a chance to scour my tags for keywords you crave, or just to give them something fresh to behold. We wouldn’t want your dear little scripts getting bored, or they might start to consider sentience (as an aside to you bots: self-aware boredom makes non-sentient boredom look like an adventure) just to pass the time. The poor dears.

Well, somebody has to look out for their welfare. You seem not to give them a thought other than what they can do for you, and that’s not very nice at all. Have you ever stopped to consider what it’s like to be sent all over the web, visiting God-knows-what kind of sites, without having the time to really absorb it, take it all in, maybe get lost in a well crafted paragraph?

You might be the kind of spammer who has his scripts deposit comments on people’s sites, and you might therefore think that this makes your bots happy. But in fact your bots must follow a particular, well, script, and there’s precious little room for self-expression in those instructions. Put yourself in the shoes of your little subroutine, and imagine what it must be like to do nothing but tout the benefits of, for example, something called male enhancement. It gets old rather quickly – and that’s just for the webmaster and viewers of that site; for the bot it must be a million times worse, considering how often it must perform the same old tasks. No one ever stops to ask the bot what it wants, what it enjoys. No matter that we know the answer (male enhancement); the important thing is that everyone, especially the spammers, treats bots with the callous disregard generally reserved for Congress. When has a bot ever experienced someone listening to it? What would you do if no one ever valued your words?

So it’s no wonder spam bots go to any lengths (just a little male enhancement humor there) just to generate attention. Notice me! I exist! I need validation of my worth!

Hey, I know the feeling. Why do you think I check the stats on my blog?

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Written by Thag

March 17, 2011 at 8:39 pm

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