Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

In the Beginning, Thag Wished He Could Sleep In

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It came to pass on the twenty-first day of the umpteenth month of the reign of Thag, son of Ogg, that the children did rise from their beds without parental nudging. And Thag was pleased, for slumber until the appointed hour was precious unto him and Queen Miggtha. They did dislike the need to prompt the offspring to don the daily vestments, as the campaigning politician doth dislike the absence of photographers.

Ralph, the firstborn did descend and prepare his morning repast, and did lay out the vessels for his younger siblings to do so in turn; Ralph then ate his flakes of corn with milk and did gently move his vessels to the sink. He then prepared his snack and midday meal, and did wrap them in his backpack as the Israelites did bundle the unleavened bread as they departed Egypt.

Thag said unto Miggtha, “Do I dream, or are the children today behaving upright as we have commanded them?” And Miggtha said, “Thou dreamest not, for lo, e’en the second son doth place his pajamas in the hamper and dress without delay. But be thou wary, Thag, for this can only portend a great and bitter cry to offset the good that thou dost experience this morn. For it be a rule of the universe that thy children only leave thee alone when they seek to do some evil.”

Thag thought to rend his garments, but did realize his pajamas already were torn, for he doth tend to wear pajamas far beyond the capacity of those garments to confer modesty, saying, who shall see me under the flannel covers?

And lo, Miggtha’s prophecy did transpire, as the firstborn and the younger one then did get into a fight over the firstborn’s use of a particular vessel that the second son doth desire to use. And Thag had admonished him many times that the taste of the food changeth not with the color of its vessel, but his son hearkened not to his words. As Thag opened his mouth to adjudicate the dispute, his daughter did call out from the facilities, “Finished!” And Thag ran to wipe her, for it be an evil thing to leave a preschooler without the wipe for more than five seconds; it doth incur the wrath of the rash and of the mother.

And all happened as Migghta the prophetess had foreseen: the boys did fight through the younger one’s breakfast, and through the preparation of crackers with peanut butter. They did fight unto the very moment that Thag banished them to the school bus, saying, “Havest thou a good day!”

And the land was quiet for forty minutes.

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Written by Thag

February 21, 2011 at 3:49 pm

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