Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Actually, My Dear Fellow, This *Is* All About Me

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I beg your pardon. Actually, this is about me.

You might not get that idea from the names on the wedding invitation, but you can’t believe everything you read. I know that this event merely serves as a vehicle to direct attention toward me; the festivities surrounding the so-called bride and groom are technicalities. So please give me the microphone posthaste.

The same misunderstanding cropped up just the other night, at that comedy club. Everyone in the audience seemed to think they should focus on the guy on stage. I had to correct that misperception by heckling that upstart mercilessly. Who does he think he is? He’s there to entertain me.

I’m beginning to think this is a trend. Are people really that dense, or only in large numbers? I fear numbers make no difference anymore: the cameraman at the baseball game did not put my image on the Jumbotron even once, let alone on national television, and he’s just one guy. Same with those reporters shoving microphones in the face of some politician – who cares what that loser has to say, anyway? I was right there, and they didn’t even notice! Or perhaps they merely pretended not to. Perhaps they were trying to project nonchalance at the presence of my august personage.

While theoretically admirable, in fact such a response has no place in the realm of truth. I deserve to be the center of attention under all circumstances, and any attempt to diminish that attention contorts and sullies that truth.

This calls for some proactive behavior. If I can no longer depend on society and its media to recognize and give my greatness and centrality their due, I must take steps on my own to secure that recognition and sustained appreciation. I’m not generally one to toot my own horn, primarily because until now I had always assumed that others would do the tooting, once they apprehended my awesomeness. Unfortunately, the masses have grown blinder and blinder; now, in addition to the greatness and epic purpose that I carry, I must also shoulder the burden of making the people aware of same.

I shall have to set specific goals: ongoing conversations that must be redirected toward my input; complaints that must be met with my experience of the incident, or a tangentially related one; vociferous insistence that a dining establishment seat me immediately in place of prestige, in keeping with my exalted station. These are but some of the activities in which I must engage in order to publicize the truth.

I maintain no illusion that this mission will be easy; no, the people have demonstrated clearly how far they have fallen from perceiving real light. It will require serious, sustained effort to keep my name and face in people’s consciousness. But with persistence, the ship can be righted, and my primacy in all matters imprinted in everyone’s awareness.

Depending on the progress of this initiative, I might have to start my own talk show.


Written by Thag

January 26, 2011 at 2:49 pm

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