Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

No Hot Girl-on-Girl Action Here, Sir. I Think.

with 2 comments

I am grateful for my many friends, few of whom will ever read this.

I don’t really blame most of them, even though I’ve been shamelessly singing my blog’s praises for months and months. Clearly they feel nothing missing from their lives right now that reading another few paragraphs a day will add. I know exactly how that feels: for the first ten or so years of my life, I had absolutely no interest in sex whatsoever; its existence meant little to me, despite its manifest presence all around (“hot girl-on-girl action!”). But I have matured, and my relationship to sex has changed accordingly. I nurture the hope that others’ attraction to this blog will similarly mature.

Think not, however, that people who have never set eyes on Mightier than the Pen feel restrained in any way from offering unsolicited advice on how to make it more successful (“hot girl-on-girl action!”). The helpful tidbits sometimes arrive disguised as innocent or curious inquiries into whatever primitive marketing has been done, much in the way people pursue sex by talking about everything else. You have beautiful eyes, by the way.

One point of advice, however, I am considering, though becoming a hardcore adherent of it clashes with my principles. A gynecologist of my acquaintance has raised the point a number of times that I should dedicate this blog to sex. Sex sells. However, despite the benefits of exposure to the potential audience, I must admit I feel hesitant to compromise the family-friendly nature of this blog with references to “hot girl-on-girl action.”

Yes, I understand that people gravitate toward sex the way bonobos gravitate toward, say, sex. Humans even gravitate toward hot girl-on-girl action, though perhaps “gravitate” is not exactly a potent enough term. I have to find some way of engaging or arousing a desire to read my work with passion. Can it be done without sex?

We might just have to figure out non-sexual contexts in which the phrase, “hot girl-on-girl action!” nevertheless obtains. I can think of wrestling, though let us concede that it skirts the edges of the very realm we are trying to avoid. Another might be feminist firefighting. Or female fencers using flaming swords. You can see as well as I do that these are not possibilities that lend themselves to compelling exposition. At least not in a way that keeps it morally pure.

Which is not to say that sex itself is morally impure, nor is the desire to engage in it; quite the opposite. But as with any pleasurable pursuit, too much hot girl-on-girl action is too much. Moderation in all things. Except perhaps chocolate.

Which brings us to chocolate sex. Not that I have any coherent ideas on the matter – indeed, the combination of the two elements has my insides and head spinning with anticipation – but I do believe that to succeed, this blog must harness the power that those two attractive forces embody. I shall have to repair to my quarters after considering these two weighty subjects. Whether my, er, mind can handle both simultaneously remains to be seen.

And you’ll get a full report, if I can find a way to convey the results without resorting to the phrase, “hot girl-on-girl action!”

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Written by Thag

January 25, 2011 at 4:34 pm

2 Responses

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  1. Mightier than the penis

    David Shaffer

    January 25, 2011 at 5:53 pm

  2. The penis: mightier than the sword.

    Thag

    January 25, 2011 at 5:59 pm


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