Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Offend Your Hosts in *Any* Language!

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I should write some travel guides. Not because I’ve been anywhere or done any research; not because I have a desire to share my knowledge of far-flung locales; not because I believe anyone would want to read it. No, I want to write some travel guides because doing so would provide endless opportunities to mock people I’ve never met, and will never meet.

I’d get to indulge in stereotyping up the wazoo, all in the name of informing the public. It’s a curmudgeon’s dream. I could also showcase my ignorance, which is always good for sales to people whose egos need evidence that someone else out there is stupid and willing to say so. Here is my proposed series of titles on Europe:

Thag Tours Belgium: Putting the Twerp in Antwerp
St. Petersburg: Everyone Liked It Better as Leningrad Anyway
I’ve Got that Helsinking Feeling
Hamburg: Contributing Nothing to the World Since The Beatles Left
Germans Don’t Like When You Call them Nazis
Drink Your Way Through Warsaw; There’s Nothing Else to Do There Anyway
The Gulag System on Five Rubles a Day
Freeze Your Baltics Off
Cross Czechs: the Heckles of Prague Hockey Fans
The Best Amsterdam Canals to Pee in
If You Hate Showering, Blend in Among the Parisians
Europe to Your Neck in  Financial Crises
Britain: Where Good Food Goes to Die
Eat Your Way Through the Ardennes: Battle of the Bulging Waistline
Eastern Europe’s Most Polluted Scenic Waterways
Good Food, Good Wine and Statues of Naked People: Tuscany

Maybe some other time we’ll tackle destinations in the Western Hemisphere, such as Ho-Ho-Kus, New Jersey, the place spell checkers never recognize.


Written by Thag

January 17, 2011 at 10:01 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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