Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

The Truth Shall Set You, Freak

with 4 comments

If your significant other ever asks you whether he or she looks fat, the best course of action is to refer the question to a small child. That way, your lover gets the honest, accurate picture of the situation, and you get off the hook for providing it.

This epiphany occurred to me when one house guest remarked to another today that the jacket she was wearing made her feel stuffed. My nine-year-old looked up from his egg salad sandwich and said, “Yeah, you look fat.” Everyone in the room agreed that the honesty was refreshing (Note to self: check whether it is typical to react to something refreshing by bursting into tears and shutting oneself up in room for two hours and gorging on chocolate while watching I Love Lucy clips on YouTube ).

A further demonstration of children’s ability to see right through nonsense occurred a short while later, when our six-year-old asked what a Ruby Tuesday was. My wife had to respond, honestly, that she had no idea. I realized then that the Rolling Stones likely had about the same idea as she. Leave it to a child to point out that what many seem to believe is a shining example of musical poetry is in fact just a brain fart that sounds OK set to a certain kind of musical accompaniment (Note to self: check for evidence that people in fact hold up Ruby Tuesday as an example of anything poetic, let alone a shining example thereof) (Further note to self: if evidence proves lacking, avoid exposure of this datum to children).

Shakespeare often used fools as the mouthpieces for unvarnished, and therefore unwelcome truths, and he was hardly the first; the insane and young have been credited with divine insight in cultures across the globe – witness Hans Christian Andersen’s Emperor’s New Clothes fable for what is a shining example of something asserted here. Biblical prophets played similar roles and were dismissed or reviled for it. Funny how people don’t like being told they suck (note to self: you suck).

It’s a good thing, therefore, that I do not try to dispense overt rebuke to people here (note to self: that’s probably not true, but considering the traffic you generate, it’s not bloody likely anyone’s going to call you on it, so go right ahead). Yes, I try to provoke thoughtful debate (note to self: examine whether food fights can reasonably be described as “thoughtful debate”) or reconsideration of established positions on myriad pressing issues, but not with an evangelical bent (except when it comes to food; in matters of food, I am always completely in the right) (note to self: you’re running low on banana-broccoli ice cream). We wouldn’t want to alienate anyone, after all (note to self: check visitor stats to determine whether there is anyone left to alienate).



Written by Thag

January 1, 2011 at 10:40 pm

4 Responses

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  1. I recollect a chain of restaurants in malls and strip malls in Massachusetts – perhaps nationwide – called Ruby Tuesday. If they still exist your child may have been reading restaurant reviews.

    David Shaffer

    January 1, 2011 at 11:37 pm

  2. I recall one, as well – on Hempstead Turnpike in Uniondale, I believe. Would you care to submit your suggestion to the Small Child Truth Test?


    January 2, 2011 at 7:10 am

  3. We’ll be visiting soon but would prefer not to be subject to childish or adult truth, or to other forms of evaluation on your blog, including a discussion of our preference not to be discussed. In fact, a response to this comment will be viewed with disfavour by Her Majesty.


    January 3, 2011 at 4:31 am

    • Interesting weather were having. Would you like a canape?


      January 3, 2011 at 7:31 am

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