Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

…and Arpaxshad Begat Nothing but Trouble

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It came to pass on the twenty-ninth day of the twelfth month of year twelve of Thag’s reign, that the evening repast consisted of spiral pasta and sauce of tomatoes and meat. And Thag did toil over the pasta – for the pot was not washed after the last time it served to cook pasta – and over the meat, for the meat had to defrost for several hours before Thag could break it apart and sear it in the searing pan.

Over the tomato Thag toiled not, for it was but paste and water; and Thag emptied the paste container and added water and did stir the mixture in a pot on the fire, where it did warm until Thag served. But for the pasta and the meat Thag did toil, while Miggtha his wife did clear the table and spread out the cloth.

When the food became ready, Thag called his family to assemble at the table. And the family was as chronic complainers, which was evil in the eyes of Thag, and he did grow impatient with their shenanigans. For the eldest did at first request pasta with meat and sauce, but then did change his request, and Thag did not hear the change of request, for he was busy doling out the food in the kitchen while the baby did wail and gnash teeth at not having food in front of him that he couldst toss upon the floor. And when Thag did serve the bowl with the pasta and sauce and meat to his firstborn, the firstborn did recoil from it. Thag moved the bowl to his only daughter, who did thank him, only she ceased to eat after but eight bites. Thag served yet another bowl of pasta and only meat to his firstborn, who ate it and left to worship at the shrine of the Capoeira.

Thag served a bowl of pasta and only sauce to his next son, who did refuse to eat until he beheld a guest eating pasta with sauce, and the middle son did finish his dinner completely and request dessert. This request did try Thag’s patience, for although the day be junky snack day, lo, the boy had already consumed his junky snack, and the snack was the hazelnut cream in the tubular wafer sticks, of which the boy ate two. Then the brother of Miggtha did offer some pecans coated in sweetness, and the middle son snorked them as the ox snorks the grass of the field.

To Thag’s youngest he served also the pasta and the meat only, and the young one began to eat, but ate not more than four bites, whereupon he did toss the contents of his bowl onto the floor. Although this displeased Thag, he knew better than to expect otherwise; after the child had tossed all the food upon the floor, Thag released him from the high chair and did sweep up the pasta and meat. Thag disposed of the refuse outside for the feral cats, who did stalk the chopped meat and attack it. The meat did not flee, and the cats ate it and some of the pasta, which did surprise Thag, for since when do cats eat pasta?

Thag returned to the table and to his own dinner, which was now cold, but Thag poured some Emerald Riesling and did polish off his own serving of pasta and meat and sauce. Thag and Miggtha ascended to the bathroom and drew a bath for the young one and the daughter, and placed them in the warm water. When the young one entered the water and sat, he did emit a quantity of waste, and the daughter did scream. Thag did hurry to remove the children from the bathtub with the floating poop, and the daughter still did scream, for she was cold.

With empty toilet paper rolls, Thag removed the pieces of waste into the toilet bowl, and he drained the bathtub. And he filled it again and quickly washed the little ones. And his daughter did complain again, for her towel did not cover her feet, which were cold. And Thag explained that she did grow, and the towel did not grow, and the towel would reach her feet no longer. This did appease the daughter of Thag, and she donned pajamas and left the room to bother the guests.

When at last the little ones did lie down in their beds, the eldest returned from the Capoeira rite and proceeded to take his sweet old time packing his school bag for the morrow and taking a shower. Thag reminded him repeatedly to get a move on, and after some time the boy donned his pajamas and lay in bed.

Thag was then free to relax before his blog, and he did offer a prayer of thanksgiving to the Lord, who had bestowed upon Thag and Miggtha a taste of peace and quiet, at least until their daughter would cry out, as was her custom each night, in the middle of the second watch, that a cat was in her bed.


Written by Thag

December 29, 2010 at 9:13 pm

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