Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

If It Piss Off the Court…

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You have to wonder why no major video games exist in which the player must make a convincing closing argument to the jury.

I suspect this gap in popular culture stems from insufficient appreciation for the benefits of a law degree. Heaven knows we could use more lawyers. If more people wanted to be lawyers, you’d just have to conclude that such a video game would find wide popularity. Since the marketing research gurus have yet to advocate the release of just such a product, the market must not support it.

And that’s a shame. We definitely need more highfalutin rhetoric peppered with Latin phrases that the speakers themselves only dimly comprehend. We need incentive to get youngsters more interested in making simple things as complicated and dependent on one profession as possible. And since youngsters are demonstrably interested in playing video games, the most reasonable course of action for the game manufacturers -who, as we know, are among the most socially conscious entities in existence – involves developing and marketing such games before law becomes a popular career, thus ipso facto fostering the drive in young people to pursue fulfillment in the very activities they so enjoy. (Ex post facto? Quod erat demonstratum? Semper ubi sub ubi?)

It’s a win-win situation: if the market researchers have it all wrong, and such a game proves immensely popular from the outset, the game companies can rejoice; if the researchers have it right, it’s only a matter of time before the trend catches on and the games lead to record enrollment in law programs across the country, leading to better lives for everyone. The unfortunate shortage of lawyers we now suffer can be remedied quickly – after all, a lone lawyer cannot make a living: it takes two to do the litigation tango.

Granted, the focus on litigation unnecessarily narrows the field, which is why the game can include several levels or modules, each of which would help develop a different lawyerly skill set: research; contracts; labor; corporate law; meaningless phrases such as, “If it please the court…” . Aren’t you excited just reading about it? Then think of how excited all those future law students will be when they get their hands on these games!

If this model proves successful – and you can rest assured I have the same confidence in that as you do – it can be replicated endlessly and successfully in any other crucial profession that the world lacks: celebrities, papparazzi, supermarket tabloid journalists, plumbers with defective waistbands, comic book nerds, you name it.

Oh, I’ve no doubt many would raise objections to this proposal. But I’d have them overruled.


Written by Thag

December 21, 2010 at 8:57 pm

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